If I Had A Million Dollars...

dear nurse ...

2010-01-12T09:23:00.004-05:00

Yes, yes ... I'm a forgetful/negligent/waffle-headed mother!

Because of the snow day (and subsequent contraction of said 8th grader's germs!), I've been operating with less "cylinders" than normal! Middle son was unfortunately struck with a most obnoxious little virus that brought on a low grade fever (for about a day) and proceeded to produce the most prolific amounts of head congestion known to man (he sounded quite miserable/disgusting!).

Thankfully we did get that snow day because it went a long way in helping him recover from the "fungus" (unfortunately, he still has a rather juicy, albeit productive, cough).

Double unfortunate, it appears that I, myself, have contracted some residuals of this funk and am seriously questioning why adults even bother messing with germ-carrying progeny at all!

*sigh

Well, that's it in a nutshell. I hope this little missive provides you with the necessary information!
Cheers!

tis the season ...

2009-12-13T10:38:00.003-05:00

*cue screams, revving engines and pottery smashing

yep! that's my life right now.

I don't have much else to say other than I can't believe it's almost Christmas ...

I'm really not ready ...

and I'd just rather be reading a book than plowing through these piles of seasonal obligations!

*sigh

this particular school year has been a bit brutal: I'm supporting a nightmare of a class--7th grade boys with reduced academic abilities/interest and know no boundaries--and my two oldest kids are under a lot of self imposed pressure and grappling with some major emotional upheaval.

I'm noticing I'm reading more to avoid it all ...

*sigh

well, I'm sure to keep plodding along (what choice do I have).

a huge part of me would absolutely love, love, LOVE to win the Lottery just so I could exercise some other options.

a nice change of scenery, or some creative challenges, perhaps the time/energy to clean out my closets ...

right now, any and all of those options sound just lovely.

lazy is as lazy does

2009-10-21T10:37:00.004-04:00

I have such a burning desire to accomplish so much more in my life than what I'm currently pursuing; however, I have this incredible knack for talking myself out of just about everything -- from taking that first step or making any strategic plans or really exerting any effort what so ever.

In short, I suffer from what I like to call "convenient inertia" ... of the "not moving" variety.

I seemingly like to appreciate other people's hard working efforts/accomplishments but I haven't the gumption to be a part of that group. I'm a fantastic consumer -- lousy contributor.

Love to read -- read alot, but can't bring myself to write [I'm too lazy and have a loud critical voice in my head]. Love beautiful images -- admire and analyze them often, but I can't be bothered to create my own original work [again, lazy and it's awefully loud in here!]. I make up all sorts of glorious excuses for not taking on any personal challenges other than dinner, laundry, car pick up/drop off and impromptu social gatherings.

I'm starting to feel restive and more than a bit rote.

I feel like I'm living a barely contemplated existence and am not willing to take on any challenges. This sorry state might have originated from when I took that last gut-wrenching, mentally exhaustive exam at U of Penn five years ago and, as a result of that final academic effort, I must have subconsciously made a vow that only vapid and shallow pursuits will fill my days from there on out! And now I'm aghast at how long I've allowed myself to become so dormant and vacuous.

*blech

and

*sigh

I guess, in short, I'm looking for a good kick in the pants to get moving on something -- anything! -- either self imposed, from a close friend, from a working group of compadres and friends, or where ever. I obviously need to do something -- anything! -- before I sink any further in this mire of "what's the point? who really cares?" ...

my disease

2009-10-10T00:13:00.002-04:00

the terrible case of not being able to say "no"

to friends, family, teenagers, people I work with ... just about anyone!

I absolutely struggle with this affliction.

a reflective time of year

2009-09-04T09:49:00.002-04:00

starting school again (both the kids and me) always feels like such a "new beginning" ...

a big start and opportunity to do big, exciting, new and interesting things.

but almost immediately I find myself getting mired in the minutiae of just getting through the day:

the breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner [don't forget the coffee!] routine ...

the laundry piles: the dirty/to wash/to dry/to fold/"where are my uniform pants" piles ...

the attention needed for the dog/the bunnies/the house/the garden/the weeds ...

the touch base ~ make connections ~ check in ~ support ~ problem solve ~ communicate ...

*******

I really don't MAKE the time or find the energy or prioritize my efforts to include challenging personal endeavors (such as painting, writing, or researching new interests!)

What does that say about me and how much importance I put on personal growth.

I'm a tad bit nervous that I'm going to turn into one of those horribly bland and complacent middle aged women whose college-aged kids come home and say "Wow, mom WHAT do you do with your time/with your life?!"

I kinda cringe inwardly when I imagine my lack of response to such a critical (albeit accurate) observation.

I've always really wanted to DO something and BE something even contribute SOMETHING to the greater humanity ...

But right now I'm at a tremendous loss as to what the hell that something may be ...

what happened to that really nice and mild weather?

2009-08-10T20:47:00.003-04:00

it was obviously obliterated in the face of such brutal heat and humidity!

YUCK!!

I hate when sweat pools in my girlie parts and my ass sticks to the driver's seat!

Double YUCK!!

I'm already counting the days until autumn :-)

peeing my pants

2009-07-29T16:43:00.004-04:00

this post (which I stumbled across whilest browsing Awkward Family Photos, but originally came from here!) had me howling out loud!

and the 700+ comments which follow are quite hysterical as well ...

[this is how I avoid doing any more painting!] :-)

officially crazy

2009-07-27T22:49:00.004-04:00

... as if we had any doubts!

Yep! Still going at it. All cylinders banging and no end in sight.

I'll ask Pos to post pics of the current madness I'm involved in (I promise, it's NOT illegal!) and I'm sure to be better about posting once the summer ends (if you can believe it! -- not!)

I'm still trying to win the lottery but those damn statistics are plotting against me. But I'll keep trying ...

Smooches and squeezes to all and know that you all are missed (as -- apparently -- am I!)

xxooxx

fourfold

2009-06-21T11:35:00.004-04:00

that's how many legitimate "occupations" I have occupying my time, energy and brain right now.

First (and foremost!), being a mom and housekeeper for our lovely family unit: *check minus*

--> The house (are we ever surprised!) is a sty and dust bunnies and hair balls are starting to pile up in corners and the carpets are starting to have an unpleasant crunch to them. The youngest child has already logged obscene amounts of plugged in time because, well quite frankly, he doesn't make it onto my schedule until after his bedtime!

Secondly, Swim Club snack bar manager (for the first time ever): *check*

--> I have made so many trips to Sam's Club to buy copious amounts of snack crap and sodas that I think I'm starting to develop a hereto undiagnosed allergic reaction to bulk packing and flat bed carts!

Thirdly, Museum Summer Camp leader (again, first time ever!! and this year's theme is Native Americans): *check minus*

--> I'm incredibly overwhelmed with all the details and nuances of this endeavor. And the reality of managing a crew of teenagers/young adults who work with small kids is tremendously daunting. Plus I have to learn Native American dances, some sign language, scripted speeches and how to pull off a 'female rites of passage' ceremony. Yikes!!

Fourthly, tutoring a diverse contingent of kids (where I'm going to find the time is anyone's guess!!): *check minus minus*

--> math, math and more MATH!! Not my real forte, but I shall overcome my resistance. Plus I have the added challenge of learning how to work with a Smart Board in order to makes things more interesting and exciting for my reluctant learners.

**To sum it up, I'm just terrified that I'm going to look up and see that summer has super sonic flown by ... and I still have so much left to do!

distractions

2009-05-31T11:45:00.003-04:00

I really should be cleaning, sorting, folding and scrubbing right now ... But I'm stalling instead.

At this moment, I'd rather not be productive or maid-ish, instead, I'm reluctantly cracking the whip from the semi-stationary position of this computer chair. I'm verifying Facebook statuses, commenting on graduation photos, and responding to blogs ... not directing clean-up efforts.

Instead, I'm being "gifted" with the sounds of unsupervised squabbling and muffled (not very successful!) attempts at co-brother tidying. Surprise, surprise, the boys were more resistant to creating order than I was and somehow managed to have a rather tense argument over one brother's choice to ditch some boxer shorts ("they're too small; I won't wear them" vs. "you're being ridiculous; they still fit"!). I guess their ability to avoid work was gleaned from the master!

However, the daughter is quietly plugging away. She's "shoveling" out weeks of living in final exam hell with no time to keep track of the mundane ... her room could have easily been classified as Superfund site! She has dutifully donned her white bio hazard suit and her toxic chem goggles and is slugging away at clearing out the bigger, chunkier bits of adolescent debris. It's appalling, really.

But then there's my room. Disgusting, actually. It looks like a laundry mat recently attacked by madmen and household-order anarchists. It's quite amazing how much clean laundry I can throw into unidentifiable piles with a rate of wrinkles that rivals any old 80 year old man's crinkled countenance!

I must, nay am compelled to, stop right here. I can't take the guilt any more. The beautiful weather outside is mocking me for continuing to put off this drudgery any longer when I know that my reward will be lounging poolside with a good book.

So, here I go ... my useless housework is a'callin' ...

miracles are welcomed

2009-05-23T23:31:00.004-04:00

especially those of a statistical nature!

I bought my token $5 worth ... actually even filled in some of the numbers instead of going all random (my attempt at exerting some 'control' over a terribly uncontrollable situation)

The odds are 1 in 195,249,054 ...

not very good, are they. Unless, of course, you're looking for a miracle!

*sigh*

In a way, I'm really glad these are the only statistics I'm contemplating right now.

So in a way, I have my miracle ...

he always knows

2009-05-15T15:03:00.004-04:00

Max, Mr. intuitive, observer supreme, current dog of less funk and filth ALWAYS knows when I'm leaving for the weekend.

He 's like glue to my side and dogs my footsteps the entire time I'm rushing about the house trying to sort out items for the trip.

The coup de grace is when the "big bag" gets hauled out of the attic.

*key dramatic music*

He HATES that big bag with the flowery handles ... absolutely despises it! Poor fella probably thinks that this time (out of every other time) I'm never coming back!

And no amount of reassurance by Pos and the kids can convince him that that ain't so ...

am i the only one who struggles with this ...

2009-05-09T12:08:00.006-04:00

As a middle-aged woman, who should be hitting her emotional stride (so to speak), and happily rejoicing in some hard earned confidence, why am I still bugged by body image garbage?!

I mean, I'm incredibly lucky that I'm healthy, active and still have unrestricted use of my ankles and knees. I can run, frolic, skip and canter with the best of them but somehow find myself skidding to a stop when I catch a glimpse of my little bumpy frame in the reflection of a passing mirror/picture glass window. *Ugh* I have no idea why I can't reconcile myself with the realities of physical aging (I mean, my chubby tummy is a well worn symbol of the three babies I gratefully carried to term; my ample backside is a familial gift of thriving genetics; my stocky legs are carry-overs from, I'm positive, good solid farming stock).

But personally, I think one of of the biggest reasons I have such a hard time with these silly imperfections is because of several cultural factors.

Take exhibit A:
There is absolutely NO way I could EVER look like this (unless I undergo the knife several times!)

But take Exhibit B:
Now we're talking! In my humble opinion, the ancients had it right all along ... big, bulbous and beautiful! I really should focus on old measures of beauty and start filtering the ridiculous versions we have today!

be careful what you wish for ...

2009-04-28T13:56:00.004-04:00

Yikes! What the hell was I whining about last week!

It's been like 90+ flippin' degrees since the weekend and we're dying slow, sluggish, brain-fried deaths around here! I can't believe I was complaining about the cooler climes just a week ago! The weird part is that we were getting 99 degrees reported on our local bank signs and out west their getting pummelled with several inches of snow. Wacko, I know!

And the truly sucky part is that it's supposed to drop again (into the freakin' 50s) by Thursday! I simply have no idea what to expect any more. I just need to get over the fact that I'll need to continue rotating between my winter and summer wear for the next couple of weeks and forget ever getting my internal temp regulator sorted out.

*sigh*

where's spring?

2009-04-22T11:46:00.002-04:00

I feel like I'm never going to experience nice weather ever, ever again!

I got two -- count'em TWO -- beautiful days this month and the rest has been like a scene from Blade Runner (a dreary post-modern nightmare with lots of rain, wind and perhaps psycho androids lurking around corners!).

I've been sick and tired. But mostly sick -- a dysentery kind of sick -- that leaves one desperate for some kind improvement.

And it really doesn't help that the weather really sucks!

whoo wee! where'd the week go ...

2009-04-02T21:05:00.004-04:00

Wow! I totally blew off my customary "beginning of the week" post [*I must have been sleeping at the wheel or forgetting to drink my coffee or not getting enough sleep or completely knee deep in other stuff]

ooo ... ooo ... pick the last one! please, please ya gotta pick the last one!

Yep folks, knee deep in other stuff.

I've been baking like a shackled slave in the kitchen everyday; I think I'm breaking a world record with how many sticky buns I can crank out in less than a week. With such tremendous success at my daughter's "snacks by the tracks" fundraiser last Saturday (and the numerous compliments regarding my buns!), I just couldn't disappoint this weekend's post office crowd and potential fund raising contributors by not showing up with the "goods".

And in addition to all of that, I had an unexpected conversation with the boys' 8th grade teacher regarding the final geography unit and that had me dusting off my old GGS notes and doing some major tweaks to my proposed Guns, Germs, and Steel curriculum idea.

So for your viewing pleasure (and because it represents what my brain's been on for the past few days ... beside brown sugar, cinnamon and fast-rising yeast!), my proposed pitch of how to teach 8th graders Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel:

GGS – Geography Lesson summaries

An actual story of global conquest:

The famous battle at Cajamarca – Peru in 1532
Why was it the Spaniards conquering the Incans and not the other way around?
It was a conquest based on willingness, ability and necessity!

What it takes for man to survive:

Man’s basic needs
The need to travel in order to fulfill those basic needs

When man moves from surviving to thriving:

Hunter and gatherers become settlers – the rise of nations
The good (innovations and discoveries in the arts, science mathematics, astronomy and architecture to name a few), the bad (political systems, social hierarchies, introduction of rich vs. poor), and the ugly (dictatorships, spread of disease, and war)
Ultimate motivator in developing societies was the desire for more – more wealth, more stuff, fame and glory!

What in the world does geography have to do with all of this?

Moving in the right direction – longitude and latitude and having the right climate
The shape and terrain of continents – allowing people and ideas to move
Having the right stuff – access to valued and usable natural resources

Back to the people:

How food helped change the world
How disease helped change the world

Looking at the connections:

The theory of how people’s natural wants and necessities had such global effects
The example of Europe

Playing the game of Global Risk:
*student assignment

[and kiddos, if you're lucky and I remember, I'll post the longer teacher version with the cooler notes so we can *discuss* this stuff!]

more syrupy reflections

2009-03-23T20:00:00.002-04:00

I tell ya, I've been experiencing some pretty amazing confirmations that life is darn good everywhere I turn:

All my friends are hale and hearty and for the most part in good spirits.
I just got offered an incredible summer position at our local museum running kids' camps from now until I'm probably too senile or tired to do the job
My daughter's fund raising efforts have blown both of us away! We have both been incredible humbled by the show of financial and emotional support she has been given thus far.
In spite of the intense anxiety-laden news saturating the news lately, I feel like Teflon and haven't allowed any of it to touch my core of optimism (just call me Pollyanna!)
I'm physically feeling like I have pounds to go before I can reacquaint myself with my optimal pants size, but honestly, I could care less! I still run three times a week, play field hockey every Monday and can hustle through the school hallways without breaking a sweat.
I can find just about anything to laugh about everyday.
My kids' antics have me rolling my eyes instead of making want to ship them off to Siberia. I've only just realized that I have less than a decade before (feasibly!) they'll all be gone and living on their own.
My husband is still a great guy to be around ... even after 18 years and three kids.
I'm really appreciating the "now" ...

So as far as I'm concerned, life is good!

headache with a side of encouragement

2009-03-16T13:21:00.004-04:00

I'm thinking that seasonal allergies are for the birds ... big, ugly vulture-like birds. You feel like doo-doo and you constantly take medicine in the hopes that you'll feel somewhat normal.

Which is never the case. Until summertime, when the sun can sizzle out all the bad sinus beasties.

Anyhoo. I'm feeling a bit under and slightly stressed and rather silly for feeling either of these things.

But in spite of my pounding/aching head, I did mangage to do some really good things recently: I made an appointment with the dermatologist to check all my suspicious spots, I helped my daughter launch a major fundraising initiative (it's going to be called: "D.C. or bust!"), I had all the friends over for pizza night last week (even though the place was a pit!), and somehow I have no laundry to fold and put away in my bedroom!

*phew*

Now I just need to refocus my energies and motivate myself to finish reading the six books I've started (namely Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution: and How It Can Renew America) and sooner rather than later I need to make a decent stab at storyboarding this 'fiction brew' I've got cooking up in my head ... along with all the other nasties causing my brain to feel likes it's about to pop off!

feeling good

2009-03-08T17:48:00.002-04:00

and looking tan! That's what a week in Florida will do for ya, boys and girls!

The drive there and back (two days each way -- no small commitment, folks) was bearable and thankfully uneventful. We ate tons of crap food (I don't think I want to ever see McDonald's ever, ever, ever again until time lapses and time crunches force me to darken the golden arches' doorway once again!)

As a family, we bonded, watched a total of 47 1/2 movies and totally trashed the van. We took pit stops in some of the nastiest little gas stations off of I-95 to be found between here and Santibel, FL.

We played with friends, went bike riding, played rollicking rounds of beach volleyball and managed to consume not one but three birthday cakes for my daughter's sweet 16.

We dined in. We dined out. And we certainly dined well.

We played hard. We slugged thoroughly. And we truly enjoyed having no real schedule.

Upon our return, the bunnies were found to be alive and well; the dog was thrilled beyond belief. And I, yes I, am struggling to make my way through 379 pounds of post-vacation laundry before we return to school tomorrow.

Yippee!

continuous gratitude

2009-02-19T13:32:00.006-05:00

I may be one of the luckiest people I know.

I have an incredible husband: he cooks, he shops for groceries, he schleps our kids everywhere, he is funny, smart, extremely literate, kind, considerate, he indulges my rages with admirable patience, and he never ever demands anything of me that he knows I simply can't give.

I have three amazing kids: they are healthy, smart, kind, socially successful, resilent, considerate (like their dad, I might add!), funny, they make dinnertime a real party and for the most part they are happy.

I am friends with some of the best people you'd want to know: they go out of their way to help me out, have fun with me, take care of my kids, take care of me, provide me with regular allotments of good red wine, make me laugh, they are tremendously kind and considerate and when we get together we always have a good time

I am healthy, I am happy, I have great interests that keep me happily occupied and for the most part I feel complete. I need to take stock of my life like this more often ... gratitude is a nice thing to indulge in.

checked out

2009-02-08T21:59:00.005-05:00

I feel like an old worn out library book

with a scummy scratchy hard avocado green cover

that no one ever pulls off the shelf

to consider as an viable reading option.

In short, I'm not feeling the literary love.

Because my mental circuitry has been clogged with other more pressing matters, I haven't had the time (nor the inclination) to stroke the keyboard. No words come forth and want to pour forward. No real urge to share. Or care. Sorry.

I'm going to blame other things. It certainly can't be because I'm lazy. Or feeling stupid and inarticulate. It must be because it's cold and wintry. It must be this extra fifteen pounds I'm lugging around on my outrageously disproportionately sized thighs and all that weight is surely weighing down my sluggish brain.

Regardless of my lame excuses, I am still thinking about my story. A lot. And I'm doing lots of lovely research about my story. A lot. And I am trying not to be too afraid to get serious and final get down to business and start plotting my story.

In the meantime, (to press my analogy a bit further) my card hasn't been stamped here in awhile because I can't seem to get the gumption to "get off the shelf" and make the words work.

attempting to excerpt

2009-01-19T18:38:00.004-05:00

Peering up from a low crouch while re-situating dusty, sweat-smeared hands filled with random bits of debris, Hope finally hisses, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I've kept my end of the bargain; you keep yours."

Joshua sighs. "You don't get this, do you. There is no deal. There is no bargain. And heaven help me, if only I could make you finally understand ... there is no competition. It's all been a lie!"

An indrawn breath is all that registers. Then its slow, forced release. Followed by a steady grind of teeth.

"Then what the hell am I doing here! What the hell are we doing here! Josh, since you know so much, tell me why ... are ... we ... HERE?!

Joshua, obviously playing for time, pushes the toe of his left boot into a partial decomposed clod of garden soil and squishes it flat. "I'm not quite sure. But I have a few theories. I'll share'em with ya if you're interested. But only if your interested."

comfort food in a crust

2009-01-12T20:17:00.004-05:00

[2:59 pm -- text from highschooler]

*im hungry i need quiche

[3:01 pm -- text response by me]

*quiche?! why?

[3:04 pm -- text response by highschooler]

*i need protein

[*sigh*]

And five hours later ... with much fiddling with the oven temperature ... I managed to make my daughter happy with this --Spicy Sausage Quiche
(poured into 2 unbaked pie crusts; a gluten-free one for the high maintenance highschooler):

1 pound bulk pork sausage
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile peppers
14 eggs, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Place sausage in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium-high heat until evenly brown. Drain and crumble. Spread into bottom of baking dish. Sprinkle with Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, onion, chile peppers, and jalapeno pepper. In a medium bowl, mix eggs with chili powder, cumin, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Pour over contents of baking dish.
Bake in preheated oven for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes, then cut into squares.

I hope you all had yummy dinners as well (and hopefully you all ate before 8 pm ... unlike us!)

been captured by vampires

2009-01-04T16:47:00.005-05:00

and I'm not afraid to admit it!

I know, I know ... I've been majorly MIA these past few months (eerily quiet for someone as loud as me!) but I have a good/lame excuse. Recently, been reading. Lots. Remarkably for the past six days straight! No cooking, no cleaning, no decoration take down and certainly no worthwhile human interactions. I've simply disappeared into some lovely light fiction and haven't regretted ONE moment of it!

My husband and kids have been extremely kind and indulgent to have let me "check out" like that and I'm eternally grateful to them. I guess, in a way, I really needed to get outside of my own life and be able to experience someone else's for a change (in spite of the criticisms I've heard from online sources). I was completely immersed and obsessed and only reluctantly took breaks when my wimpy body needed sustenance and sleep.

And yep, I read more than one: I read ALL four, in a row, non-stop, until I was done. And again ... no regrets.

But tomorrow, it's back to work, back to the grind, back into the drudgery of a time-laden routine. *sigh*

Maybe Spring Break has another series of all-absorbing books in store for me ... one can only hope and see!

we interrupt this regularly scheduled program ...

2008-12-15T11:46:00.005-05:00

to bring you the holidays,

whirlwind shopping panics,

frantic baking episodes,

loads of social events,

a new hockey season (times two boys!)

newsletters to print,

envelopes to address,

and Christmas presents yet to buy ...

*sigh*

I'll be back when things calm down a bit.

But then again, that may be naive wishful thinking!

ack! where have I been ...

2008-12-01T19:03:00.005-05:00

Obviously not here!

Sorry folks, it's been a nutty couple of weeks. I've actually been avoiding my housework, my husband and my kids in favor of a silly little project I've currently got my head wrapped around. I somehow got this bee in my bonnet to create a Geography unit for one of the 8th grade teachers I support based on this amazing book I read last year -- Guns, Germs, and Steel.

Honestly, I'm not even sure he's going to go for it. Regardless, once I start something there's really no turning back for me.

So, if he chooses not to go for it, I've decided to torture you all with my most recent mental occupation -- reconfigured information from the book and its affiliated website. Enjoy!

Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies

The impact of traversable landmasses, domesticated animals and crops, germs and innovative technologies on the rise and dominance of certain civilizations
Yali’s questions: How is it that it took tens of thousands of years for my own ancestors to reach New Guinea and it has taken only 200 years for white Europeans to colonize New Guinea? Why is it that you white people developed so much cargo [consumable goods] and brought it to New Guinea, but we black people have so little cargo of our own? Why have different peoples ended up with disparate degrees of power and influence?
Commonplace things, such as wheat, cattle, and writing and the uneven distribution of these simple elements shaped the course of global history and played a vital part in the epic story of continental competition.
Domesticated animals and crops were essential for meeting humanity’s basic economic needs: carbohydrates, protein, fat, clothing, traction (for farming) and transport.
Continents which were easily traversable, such as Europe, encouraged trade among different people and stimulated development ultimately led to beneficial long-term outcomes
Physical geography of the world and natural impediments such as mountain ranges or bodies of water created isolated civilizations which adversely affected the development and influence of those civilizations
How these factors (e.g. geographic advantages) determined the rise or fall of civilizations depending on their access to guns, germs and steel. Why some areas prospered and others were left behind, victims of the hand of cards they had been dealt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jared Diamond’s Theory: Factors Underlying the Broadest Pattern of History

I absolutely LOVE this stuff!! If I could afford it, I'd be back in school in a heartbeat! Can't you see it ... me, the long-term graduate student, plowing through dusty, musty tracts of history and anthropological research seeking out kernels of long-buried knowledge, waiting to be unearthed and brought to light.

I love it!

Later this week ... Cities and Civilizations: A Necessary Alliance

retro is the new cool

2008-11-15T14:23:00.007-05:00

My baby girl teenager has to dress up as a hippie for tonight's big sorority club social and we've been running around getting stuff to make this happen. Thinking that this was going to be a major pain and ultimately an exercise in futility, I was shocked to find so many 60's options in the regular retail world.

I had no idea that peace paraphernalia was still a happening thing! As well as flare cords. And love beads. I mean, it's crazy!

I grew up in the early seventies where we still wore remnants of the period (funky colors and patterns, exaggerated pant legs and ridiculous shirt collars) before an even more frightening period--disco--took the fashion world by storm.

Yikes!

I can't even bring myself to delve into the fashion atrocities associated with Valley Girl ... it makes me cringe to recall those venerable and vulnerable adolescent years. I can barely recall puffed up hair, flipped colors, and five hundred bangle accessories without dry heaving just a bit. I'm also sure I'm in a conveniently amnesiac state with regards to the power suit look of the Working Girl era--big hair, even bigger shoulder pads and horribly unflattering pencil skirts. Who ever thought that was attractive!

Well, today I got to revisit my Sesame Street youth ... and all was good. I found myself on the lookout for the kind of things that Maria, Gordon, Susan and Bob would have worn while having an engaging conversation with a large yellow bird or trying to teach me my ABC's.

It was a good field trip and it felt successful on so many levels. And my baby girl is going to knock everyone's socks off!

good things

2008-11-05T15:39:00.005-05:00

Right now, instead of complaining (nice change, huh!) there are quite a few good things in my life that I feel compelled to list:

I have healthy, happy kids - grateful!
the Steelers beat the Redskins - incredible!
I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world - thankful!
the Phillies won the World Series - a miracle!
autumn in the Northeast - beautiful
I lived to see a black man become President - joyful!

And most important of all ...

I'm not irritated any more -peaceful.

irritation

2008-10-31T13:55:00.004-04:00

You know what irritates me ...

getting blamed for something I have no control over, such as:

other people's expectations not getting met
other people's annoying actions

and especially

other people's own anxieties getting amplified because of my own

Yea, I know I am an exceedingly anxious person. Sorry to be the repeater of old news, but I am. I worry about money. I worry about making the right choices. I worry about making serious mistakes that could adversely effect other people. I worry about my kids and their happiness and how they'll turn out. I'm uber aware of my own insecurities and how they rear their ugly little heads when I try to prove my worth. And, yes, I'm annoyingly consistent with my constant refrain of "I'm not worthy!" "What's the point of me!" I get it; it gets real old. Fast.

I get it!

But guess what, that's me! Take it or leave it!

And you can stack those flaws right up there with my insanely strong capacity for empathy, my over-riding sense of charity, my willingness to extend myself for someone else and my characteristic in-the-moment, super-charged exuberance.

I'm the one who doesn't wait to be asked, but pitches in and helps out. -- no thanks or accolades needed. I'm someone people turn to when they want a sympathetic ear, to give them kind advice without judgment or censure -- when I can offer some. I'm the one driving OTHER people's kids here and there because they know they can count on me. My flaws and strengths are pretty much different sides of the same coin. And quite frankly, I can't imagine being any other way.

So when you have the misfortune of seeing me crab about, grousing "The sky is falling and I haven't a clean enough cave to hide in", by all means do not point your finger at me and say "YOU are the problem" and "YOU are the reason everything is so gloomy" ...

... be sure to point that finger right back at yourself and say, "Well, aren't those the exact same feelings I was having --- I just didn't want to hear them said aloud."

new favorite artist

2008-10-25T21:36:00.003-04:00

Judith Owen. On so many levels, she rocks!

Check out her awesome parody of good ole' Sarah ... she really nails it!

xxooxx

time for a good stiff drink ...

2008-10-24T14:05:00.004-04:00

... or two.

At this point I refuse to keep count. It's Friday, it's been a very long week, my house is a mess, and I'm ready to have some friends over to crack open a bottle. Or two!

Damn, I'm glad it's Friday!

Cheers to you all!

xxooxx Mollygras

trekking north

2008-10-17T14:17:00.005-04:00

It's that time again ... our semi-annual Ladies' weekend up at the lake.

yee-haw!!

I plan on eating lots of chocolate, wearing my fuzzy plaid jammy pants and drinking plenty of wine all weekend long! And I don't have to cart anyone else around for the next 48-72 hours!

moms with sticks

2008-10-10T11:14:00.013-04:00

My newest obsession ... learning to play field hockey!

Yep, it allows me to run my rather ample behind around while chasing down other moms with their sticks (or dads -- it's a bit of a co-ed thing) while trying to take a very hard ball away. I wear pigtails, cleats, shin guards, a mouth guard, and carrying a rather swanky pink stick ...

And boy can I really pack a mean wallop with that bad boy!

But the problem with learning a new sport as an old lady is constantly experiencing frustration and/or cognitive dissonance between what your brain calculates and the timing of your physical moves.

For example, I would LOVE to look like this when I play on the field (that would be me, in the red):

Pretty fierce and amazing looking, huh?!

But alas, I end up looking more like this (again, that would be me--in red--on the ground!)...

The laws of gravity are harshest for those with ample girth!!

So I must continue with my current crusade to learn this game and get better at it because I absolutely LOVE whacking things with big sticks!

fitting

2008-10-01T08:19:00.004-04:00

Instead of enduring more depressing news via NPR, the kids and I opted for iTunes instead.

Their pick: "Disturbia" by Rihanna.

Ummmm, to my mind, that's a little too apropos.

Next time, I'll suggest we try to fool ourselves; we should listen to Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World"!

critics review

2008-09-26T11:01:00.003-04:00

**this was written in an attempt to entertain myself while on the job supporting 8th graders in Comp class; their assignment was to pretend to be a restaurant critic at home)

This Critic's Review

The first thing a patron notices upon entering Chez Crumhole is the chaotic energy emitting from the core of this dismal dining operation. The chef is rather frazzled and tense and can often be heard expressing many unpleasant comments during meal prep.

The decor is cluttered and terribly lacking in appreciable (albeit unrefined) ambiance. The kitchen is more than a little appalling, the service is provided by disgruntled and terribly wifty individuals and the dishes are bland and--not surprisingly--unappetizing.

For example, my most recent (and unfortunately not my last!) meal at Chez Crumhole consisted of pre-packaged, pre-cooked meatballs carelessly slung into a pot of pre-packaged, canned red sauce while a scary-looking pot of boiling water was filled with pre-packaged, pre-processed hardened penne noodles. As a consumer, I was filled with a peasant-like sense of dread knowing that this meager offering was not a scrumptious culinary experience but yet another disappointing caloric refueling obligation.

This critic takes away stars from Chez Crumhole for this restaurant dining experience and would be hard pressed to recommend it to anyone else (unless of course your last name happens to be Crumhole ... and then that leaves you with no other options!!)

ode to the start of school

2008-09-17T15:51:00.003-04:00

driving, driving, driving
work and work and work
driving, driving, driving
tennis, soccer, and homework
driving, driving, driving
slam some laundry in
driving, driving, driving
off the grocery again
driving, driving, driving
what? where do we have to meet?
driving, driving, driving
*whew* I am definitely beat!

here they go again

2008-09-12T08:12:00.004-04:00

It's the middle of September and the neices and nephews should be in full swing at school.

Except they're hunkering down for yet another hurricane -- Ike.

feeder bands ... this has become a blasphemous word to my Southern people.

And to top things off, my mom lovingly told me last night that gas prices are expected to shoot up another $1 a gallon. Damned refineries parked out there in the middle of the Gulf!

I really despise hurricane season.

pesky fonts and reading dramas

2008-09-10T08:23:00.007-04:00

Has anyone ever doubted to power of letters. I don't mean the ones written by hand and mailed with a stamp -- I'm talking individual l-e-t-t-e-r-s.

Take for instance the seemingly simple, at the very beginning, start it all off, first letter of the alphabet: A or a.

For most kids, that little guy belongs to 'apple' -- 'a', 'apple', 'ah' (except it's not meant to pronounced like you're having your tonsils checked; your supposed to pronounce it like a New Yorker or a Bostonian!)

This is kind of an important letter; it's seen in lots of important words like cat, map, waste, and academic annihilation!! Unfortunately, this booger can really lay a kid low if he or she can't manage to wrap their fuzzy little heads around this particular squiggle.

And to make matters worse, font masters have to go and fuck things up for these poor kids by providing so many letter shape varieties.

The problem with "a's" is that they often show up looking quite different in just about every kind of text a kid runs across. For instance, Times New Roman likes to use their funky "a's" (with its weird Buddha belly and strange swoop-y toupee at the top) and Comic Sans likes to employ what I call the primary or Kindergarten letter "a" (with its simple round "o" and straight-backed line). Which one is the real "a"? Well therein lies the rub. Kids are expected to write one type of "a" and be prepared to read/identify (with a hitch) several different other kinds.

And we won't even get into the issue of italicizing letters (as well as all those different "g's"and "q's")!

Learning to read --especially for kids who struggle with partially wired brains, brains that like to "flip" images, or brains that like to make images "float" around before identifying them-- can be a real special kind of hell. And for me, it's terribly frustrating to see them struggle so hard to make out those inane distinctions while trying to put all those arbitrary symbols together into a coherent whole. It's a wonder so many people manage to read at all.

breakage

2008-09-02T22:28:00.005-04:00

Wowzer! What a storm!! Here's an incredible clip of the damage that occurred in this quaint little town where I last had permanent roots in Louisiana.

And here are some great pictures of trees gone topsy-turvy on top of people's residences and all sorts of other amazing pics (be sure to hit the caption option to read where the pictures were taken and what they are). It's kind of freaky to easily recognize so many places in those photos.

On a more personal note: I have been in touch with the folks down there. Besides having a lot of limbs and trees down and some roof leakage (lil sis had a total of three trees come down on her driveway and take out a vent in her roof), most of my family fared rather well. The final verdict is still up in the air because my cell phone contact with them is sketchy at best. All of them are without electricity and aren't expected to get it back for days.

Hopefully, for their sakes, the debris clean-up and electric line repairs go fast and so that they can be back on their feet before the next LSU football game.

But--what with this being Louisiana and all--I doubt it!!

watching and waiting

2008-08-31T23:12:00.005-04:00

My people down in Louisiana have battened down the hatches, gased up the vehicles, bought the TP, beer and milk and are bracing for the next "big one"!

I, on the other hand, am constantly checking my computer--weather.com and wbrz.com--for hourly updates, or I am on my cell phone keeping close tabs on my little huddled masses.

Gustav looks primed to affect my family more directly than either Katrina or Rita did three years ago.

And it's more than a little nerve-wracking not knowing how this thing is going to turn out.

stalling for time and trying to thwart physics

2008-08-30T11:49:00.005-04:00

I'm supposed to be doing a ton of severely neglected house chores: The laundry (par usual) has piled up to mountainous proportions, the bathrooms are disgustingly fuzzy and slimey (yuck!), every floor in my house is debris-strewn and crunchy and in serious need of a vacuuming, etc. etc. etc. ...

Oh, and did I mention ETC.!

And the source of my inactivity comes from my desire to just read blogs and drink coffee.

Physical Law (part 1):
A body at rest, tends to remain at rest.

*sigh* I am such slug -- an end-of-the-summer-school's-about-to-start slug.

And I still have loads of things to do.

Perhaps that's why I'm in this "idle" mode: Once I get moving, I won't be able to stop because there's absolutely no end in sight.

Physical Law (part 2):
A body in motion, tends to remain in motion.

*sigh* I'd just really rather remain resting a little while longer!!

reality check

2008-08-19T16:37:00.009-04:00

OK. I know the last post was over the top. But I was emotionally feeling "over the top" ... or "under the bus" or "through the wringer" or whichever wretchedly appropriate prepositional phrase you (or I!) can come up with.

To make a short story long ...

I've been reading a lot of fluffy-plotted steamy romance novels this summer because, well, I guess for lack of a better reason, because I've been unwilling to literally experience anything deep or meaningful or unpleasant or life-altering or even uplifting. I simply haven't had it in me to want to do any real thinking.

So romance novels it is!

Well, I started to feel a smidge guilty over letting so many of my letter-decoding synapses go all catatonic and then rigor mortis on me so I decided I needed to jump into some "real" reading. So I grabbed Pos's copy of The Grapes of Wrath.

I thought, "Hey, Steinbeck, he's brilliant! He's all literary and poetic and acclaimed and stuff. Surely I'll be able to coax some of my brain cells back from the dead!!"

Boy was I wrong. I slipped from brain dead status to crippling depression overnight. I couldn't get past the horror of deprivation and misery and abject poverty and railing against forces bigger than you and all the kind of things that can keep a person up at night.

Pos did warn me. He did say it was a tough read -- said it wasn't a good book for me. And boy was he right. So I stopped reading
...

but unfortunately, what that man wrote managed into get lodged in my head anyway.

[Flash forward several nights later, pre-post rant]

Me: Pos, can you please put these receipts in Quicken?
Pos: Sure, I have a couple to put in myself.
Me: Hey, did you manage to log today's haircut expense?
Pos: [looking at his laptop screen; ominously silent] Uh, no!
Me: I told you about it on the phone this afternoon, just before going to pick up a few things for dinner tonight. You said you got it.
Pos: [voice taking on a particularly dreadful edge; his response, more of a snarl] I don't have our Quicken information on my work computer. What makes you think I would have any idea about our numbers?!
Me: [heat rising to my cheeks; begin to seethe] Well, what is the balance?
Pos: [pregnant, obscenely ample pause] Not enough!
Me: Fine!!

[All the while, I'm in a full blown panic!]

*Funny how money always has a way of doing that to me.*

“Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!!” I mentally moan to myself. “How am I going to scrape us along until payday? School is fastly approaching and there is SO much I have to get. Shoes are needed for the boys. The girl needs new bras. Everyone’s socks have holes in them; quite a desperate fleece situation, really. And the boys need bigger undies!” I can’t even bring myself to look in the frig and take a most dismal inventory of our sparse rations.

My mind races with lists and lists of expenditures and comes completely short of indentifying enough income to match the need. I feel like I’m in a freakin’ Steinbeck novel and we’re about to load up the minivan with our meager, dusty possessions and head west for some seriously hard apple-picking times!

Yikes!

But then I remember, I’m not all that and we’re not all leaving and things really aren’t that bad. I just need to have more patience. And more resilience. And I especially need to have more faith in the overall choices we make for our family.

In the meantime, my dreams about winning it big with the Lottery take on an exceptionally intense luster and gleam in my furtive imagination. And I find myself drifting off into blissfully extravagant daydreams involving an unlimited expense account, a beautifully appointed flat in Paris and all the new underwear my children could ever want!

hating now

2008-08-16T22:23:00.002-04:00

tired, insolvent, frustrated, and angry ...

quite a deadly combination.

I have an irrational hostility towards the the here and now ...

especially towards myself.

I feel livid

and hopeless

and terribly, terribly sad.

I can't even begin to layer letters

structure words

orchestrate sentences

to describe how I feel

right now.

Wasted,

I feel like a waste.

An angry waste of space

with time to kill.

back in the saddle

2008-08-11T07:48:00.005-04:00

Ugh! It's painfully early (for me!) and I'm up and stumbling out the door.

I start teaching summer school today -- 8:30 - 12:15; with two soon-to-be 3rd graders, two soon-to-be 1st graders and two soon-to-be 6th graders. My "fancy" repertoire will run the gamut from basic letter recognition and printing to double-digit adding and subtracting to pesky pre-writing practices and traditional grammar drills.

If these poor kids feel as brain dead as I do ... this is going to be a LONG three weeks!

edit request

2008-08-04T18:16:00.006-04:00

OK, I need everybody to jump into your "way back machines" now and try to remember having to write when writing simply didn't come naturally to you or when you were really getting your pre-adolescent wordsmith wheels underneath ya.

I'm trying to come up with a writing checklist of sorts for a couple of summer school students of mine (boys; about to enter 6th grade, very reluctant writers) and I'd dearly love to give them some guidance without 1) forgetting something important, or 2) trying to over do it by including way too much information (which, unfortunately, is my tendency).

So please, please, please, tap into your 70's era schooldays memory banks and help me slodge through these nerve-wracking checklist tweaks.

************************
PROOFREADING CHECKLIST-INTERMEDIATE

Content – how well did I write?
□ Did I remember to write only what I was told to write about?
□ Did I organize my ideas and information carefully … ?
• by listing the events from beginning to end [OR]
• by listing the facts from least important to most important [OR]
• by coming up with a set of questions then trying to answer those questions with good research [OR]
• by coming up with a main idea and then using good supporting details and descriptions to explain that idea
□ Did I select useful words that would help my readers understand what I’m trying to say, AND capture their interest AND hopefully create images in their minds?
□ Did I use plenty of well-researched information? [from other books, encyclopedias, magazines, the internet, etc.]
□ Did I check to make sure all my facts are correct?

Format – how does my writing look?
□ Did I choose a good title?
□ Did I include my name and the date?
□ Did I number each page?

Mechanics – how well did I follow the rules of writing?
□ Are all my paragraphs indented?
□ Did I capitalize words correctly?
□ Are all my words spelled correctly?
□ Did I make sure each sentence was complete and made sense?
□ Did I make sure every sentence had the same verb tense?
□ Did I use correct ending punctuation as well as all other punctuation?
□ Did I use quotation marks correctly when including someone else’s words?
□ Did I include a proper bibliography if I borrowed someone else’s work?

***********************
For any and all assistance, my appreciation knows no bounds!

attitude adjustment

2008-08-04T09:39:00.002-04:00

I'm over my grouse ... thank goodness!

It's amazing what beautiful, no humidity, high 70's summer weather can do for one's disposition ...

plus a lovely long walk in said beautiful weather.

I just need to somehow get my head screwed on straight, start to buckle down and finally get ready for the next three weeks of teaching summer school.

I just hope the weather holds ...

it may be the only thing keeping me from going crazy!

ta-ta for now ;)

bloggedy blog blog blah!

2008-08-03T19:24:00.005-04:00

I have less than motivation, less than enthusiasm, less than gumption
to get up and go.

It must be the dog-days of summer now ...
so I'll simply say, "bow-wow-wow".

Regardless of my mental state,
I have summer school to plan and prep for --
call previous year's teachers; look over potential materials; make a sensible schedule,
etc.

but I don't want to.
I want to mope around
and feel lazy,
and feel useless,
and feel stupid
because that's how I feel right now.

but I want to be energized,
engaged,
creative,
productive,
successful ...

but right now,
I'm none of those things ...
and maybe
(I'm guessing here)
that my funk may stem from
knowing
that more than likely
I've never been one of those wonderful things
and most likely
never will ...

compost, man
I'm feeling like a pile of compost ...

reading, riding, and relaxing ...

2008-07-23T11:45:00.006-04:00

and obviously tons of recreating ... with no time for writing.

I've been terribly blog-lite as of late, but I hope that the upcoming grind of tutoring and teaching summer school will motivate me to start writing and conversing with you all again.

In the meantime, (if you can believe it!) I'm off to our special own nirvana--Lake Wallenpaupak--with the boys for the rest of the week ... Pos and eldest daughter are slated to join us over the weekend.

While there (and as long as I can manage it!), I plan to continue reading, relaxing and of course recreating!

desperation over time ... or with a little wine [take your pick!]

2008-07-15T22:47:00.007-04:00

And I quote ...

"Wow, is it possible! You're actually blogging!!"
[Pos verbally flings from the far corner of the living room]

"Yes, smartass! I'm actually taking cerebral synaptic functions and putting them into dedicated keystrokes ... and if they make absolutely no sense ... well, then you can blame the three glasses of red wine I had before sitting down and attempting to be coherent in front of computer!!"

Just know, that some of us can fold laundry inebriated ... can clean up after a dinner party inebriated ... can make love inebriated ... but only the biggest goonbas among us can fool themselves into believing that they can type [spell, use proper grammar, make literary sense, etc.!] while inebriated!!

It's really a damn shame what a little red can do to one's mind!

;)

lessons learned

2008-07-03T14:36:00.005-04:00

I'm finally back ... THANK GOD!

I've never been more overjoyed to get back to my own home, to my own family, and especially back to my own bed!

The delirious homecoming I received from my dog was a perfect representation of how I was feeling when I opened that front door and walked inside.

And because there is SO much to process and possibly blog about, I've decided to do my usual bullet statement summaries of the more salient and memorable moments of my return home:

To go home means to drink more (and I'm talking copious amounts of beer, wine, and frozen daiquiris!)
There is absolutely NO way to romanticize or minimize the shittier aspects of your culture and heritage ... they're still shitty!
I had to go into a smoke-filled, skanky bar to cash my mother's weekly work check: that's how the working poor do it down there.
I think I've filled my second-hand smoking quota for six years.
I've enlarged my carbon footprint times 25: where I'm from, you can't get from point A to point B in under 30 minutes, it just ain't possible.
The kindest and nicest black people there are still treated like dirt (or less than dirt, like they don't even exist at all)
Working poor rednecks are some obnoxious sons (and daughters) of bitches.
Dealing with crazy relatives (especially during a death in the family) makes you want to drink until you fall down
Never count on getting anything (and I mean ANYTHING) from said crazy relatives when it's time to divide up the dead relative's effects; those crazy people think all that miscellaneous shit is their due!
I never counted on crying so much (and crying for some of the most unforeseen and emotionally rending reasons)
The stupid adage "you can never go home" is bit too pertinent for me
I'm constantly astounded by how much control I have and don't have over others ... and it really freaks me out!
I'm never, ever more glad to have what I've got
I need to practice a more consistent mantra of "I have everything I could ever want; my life is good!"

Well, that's all I got right now. I'm still trying to reenter back into my real life and all the acceptable craziness that that entails.

But stay posted ... I'm sure to do more processing of my trip home in the days to come.

home bound

2008-06-24T10:38:00.003-04:00

It's already been a whirlwind summer ... and we are not even through June.

I drove 11 1/2 hours to Oak Island, North Carolina--without Pos: just me and the kids--to make a last minute vacation happen with family and friends.

It was a blast! The weather was great, the kids had a great time and the gin and tonics were superb!!

Then five days later, I drove another 11 1/2 hours back home. I think if I never see I-95 (and that godawful loop around D.C.!!) I won't be sad.

And then I'm home barely 24 hours when I get the call.

My granddad is finally passing and my mom is absolutely distraught.

I'm torn: #1 I want to go and support her and my sister. #2 I've already said my goodbyes to the lovely old man last year: I don't want my last memory of him to be that of a unrecognizable shell. #3 I want to be here, with Pos and the kids: I don't want to experience the gamut of emotion that's sure to greet me when I get there.

But I'm going. Today. And I'll be gone for a whole week. Not knowing what to expect.

My granddad passed away last night. He quietly drifted off, in his own bed, with his eldest daughter at his side.

I'm going home to be with my family, but I just know that I'll be torn the whole time I'm there. Deep down, and true to my nature, I simply want to be in my own home with my own family grieving in my own way.

two gears

2008-06-14T11:17:00.005-04:00

I'm either in perpetual motion or in a dead stall (i.e., blog-reading or snoozing) and these extreme tendencies do not lend themselves very nicely to writing: Writing requires way more energy than I've got when I "stop".

So when the 15 y.o. comes up to me this morning and says, "Yo! Mom! I need another story. You need to post something new!" I just wanted to grab my cup of coffee and amble off to the deepest recesses of my house and take a mid-morning siesta. And the last thing I can wrap my head around (in my current state of torpor) is wrestling with word choice and the pithy placement of written ideas.

And to make matters worse, I do my best thinking when I'm doing something else ... like driving or gardening or running the vacuum ... and unfortunately, when I'm ready to type everything out, my brain goes idle.

My brain really has a mind of its own: It really frustrates the hell out of me.

what a difference a half an hour makes

2008-06-11T11:55:00.008-04:00

I was running late--so typical of me--when I noticed the brooding, darkening of the early evening sky. I'm supposed to get to the pool early to drop off cash/son for teen activities night and stick around to help chaperon this youthful mayhem.

So's I says to myself, "Hmmm ... this looks a little like some nastiness is about to kick loose and I certainly don't think we're wanting to be poolside when nature unfurls her fury!"

Sure enough, as we arrive and to start setting up for the night's events, the wind starts blowing. At first it's rather pleasant--having been 90+ degrees for the past few days--when traveling from the north at a rapid clip are some pretty wicked clouds. And that's when the doo-doo hits the proverbial fan!

Along with the two other chaperoning adults and all the lifeguards, we start running around grabbing chairs and umbrellas that are getting flung in every direction and watch as one of the lifeguard stand umbrellas--still open--gets snatched by the wind and has its 3 i/2 inch pole snap in half! Kids are running around being dramatic, obnoxious and oh, so helpful (not!) while phone calls are being made to have parents turn around and retrieve their storm-watching charges.

I offer to give one of my daughter's friends a ride home--whereas I, without a sensible molecule in my brain, had let my own daughter walk a mile and a half to another friend's house--in order to avoid any damage due to the increasing high winds and the occurrence of some seriously scary lightening strikes.

Can you get electrocuted if you talk on your cell phone, outside, during a thunderstorm?

Well, at that moment I didn't give a crap about that potential consequence because I was on the phone every three minutes trying to find out if my kid made it to her friend's house safe and sound ~ and she did!

So we piled up--my middle son, my daughter's friend and myself--in my van and peeled out of the Swim Club parking lot and made fast tracks home. I dropped the friend off at her house, I even offered to wait oo that she could get changed and then deliver her to the other friend's house.

But I'm ever so glad she declined my offer ... because I was about to experience one of the most hair-raising drives of my life!

With no time to squander, I left town and cautiously made my way home with winds, lightening strikes and rain picking up in the most alarming manner: it was like driving through a hurricane!

And to top things off, one of the more unforseen things about my bucolic daily commute is that my route is absolutely littered with towering, branchy old trees looming over me as I skitter past in quiet terror.

So that's where the real fun began!

While my poor son was whimpering and white-knuckling next to me, I calmly drove around fallen tree branches, tree trunks and all sorts of natural debris. Before it started to pour, I had the windows down and every time there was a lightening strike--and just about every one of them flashed overhead!--we could feel an alarming sharp blast of heat prickle our skin right after each strike. It was more than a little freaky!! When the rain came down, it came down in buckets, in sheets followed by little pelting hail ... my poor windshield wipers were almost useless against the stuff!

As I was slowly and steadily making my way home--all the while soothingly reassuring myself AND my son that everything was going to be all right--several times we would have to slow to a stop in the middle of the road in order to make out the white line on the right side of the road. That white line was the only thing guiding me on along that winding road!

The one and probably only miracle about that scary ride was that I never once had to experience a tree branch falling into the road or onto a car or onto house ... I luckily came upon all the damage after it had occurred.

I received at least two phone calls--one from Pos and the other from my very worried daughter--while attempting to make it home alive; middle son was a very useful message taker during our ordeal.

As we pulled into our neighborhood, the wind and rain was finally dying down and the only thing remained were lightening flashes off in the distance. Three of my neighbors had huge trees come down onto their property and miracles of miracles, not one of their houses got demolished in the process!

My white-knuckle-drive-of-terror took approximately 24 minutes whereas that commute typically takes me 10 minutes.

I'm never going to look at those tree-lined roads the same ever again!

a drop in the bucket

2008-06-04T20:03:00.004-04:00

I don't care if it dropped $12 from an all-time high of $135 a barrel ...

I still had to pay $69 to fill up my van.

And to further rant ...

Instead of a quickly-consumed petroleum product, $69 bucks could have gotten me:

1) 12 pairs of nice and comfy faux suede flip flops from Target

2) a swanky pair of very nice summer sandals from DSW

3) a savory lunch out with hubby

4) 17 gelatis from Rita's

5) a knit skirt, a cute casual dress and a nicer ensemble from Old Navy

6) much needed underwear, socks and bras

7) 2 cases of constantly consumed doggie treats

8) bed linens, my bed desperately needs new king-sized bed linens

9) snacks, my children thrive on a constant supply of ever-depleting snacks

10) white porch paint and supplies for my dilapidated and paint-peeling front porch

Well, that's all I can think of for now.

But I'm sure I could come up with a tank full more!!

it's not payday YET!!

2008-06-02T19:12:00.004-04:00

four days ... and counting ...

and it's really rather unfortunate that I have to fill my van with gas,

and buy groceries,

and buy the obligatory, end-of-the-school-year teachers' gifts,

and listen to my daughter's lament: "I don't have a bathing suit worth wearing!!"

We're also looking down the barrel of the one and only family vacation we're taking this summer ...

traveling down to Tennessee to attend lil' bro-in-law's wedding...

630 miles away.

Did I mention that I have to fill up my van?

and put my dog in the kennel

and pay the neighbor's kid to take care of our outdoor hutch bunnies

and buy enough pulled pork to feed 50+ people

and the fixins to make my mama's world famous potato salad ...

again, for 50+ people.

And can I even contemplate buying a wedding present?

after buying gallons of pulled pork

and filling up my van for the third,

no, make that the fourth time!

Four days and counting ...

until payday.

But alas, within seconds, all that moola will be gone

and I'll have to start counting again!

not terribly coherent

2008-05-20T21:05:00.005-04:00

I'd really like to post something thought-provoking ... perhaps something with a little panache.

But I can't.

I'm tired.

And my brain hurts.

And I have dishes to do.

And it's 9:08 p.m. and my dog wants me to go to bed.

Maybe I can deliver on some panache tomorrow ... probably not!

jetlagged

2008-05-13T11:26:00.005-04:00

We're back ... and I'm fully back into the swing of things.

Well, sort of.

I'm exhausted and my rather uninterpretable schedule--it's like I never left--has not provided an opportunity to recovery and relax.

For example, right after landing at the Newark International Airport, I'm on the phone with the kiddos ("Hey guys! We've arrived!! How are you all doing!)and we're being hit up with the "please drive me into town" requests! I can't even catch my breath--from the 12 hours of traveling--before starting to stress out about a myriad of timing and maneuverability issues associated with my kids! Luckily, my mom was at the house -- large and in charge!

Upon arrival home, Pos quickly delivers middle son into town, I greet dog (who was absolutely beside himself with joy over our return!), hug younger son and embrace a really tired mom -- they are all delighted to see us again. Piles of travel debris begin filling up the living room; souvenirs, postcards, and travel guides are extracted from various pockets and holds of luggage to be shared and poured over. I wearily walk my dog for the first time in days and eventually I climb into a snugly pair of jammies with every intention of climbing into bed -- sooner, rather than later.

We had Burger King for dinner; it felt a bit ironic!

While I was gone, my mom did the most amazing things to my house. She scrubbed and organized my kitchen and mudroom into a new and better state of existence. She also cooked scrumptious meals -- the leftovers are currently sitting in my freezer waiting to reward my patience! For Mother Day's, I took her out to lunch and then to a fancy trombone concert (the Posaune Decouple) -- the music and the venue was amazing!

Sadly, yesterday, I had to take my mom to the airport for her return trip home. Even though I had an incredible time in France, I didn't get nearly enough of a visit with her. I'm absolutely committed to flying her back up next summer -- I'll get a longer visit; and I just know she'll help me tackle the basement and attic mess sufficiently!

Well, I'm at work (sort of) -- in body, but with a weary spirit. Luckily, my one-on-one charge is on a field trip today at Gettysburg and I'm at loose ends. I'm hoping to do more posting as my energy level reemerges, but more importantly, I'm hoping to get more writing done when my schedule lightens up due to the summer schedule.

Best to you all ... and most importantly, keep on posting!

bon jour mes amis

2008-05-05T11:51:00.006-04:00

I'm finally here!!

We flew through Amsterdam (the airport -- way cool, really Bau-Haus looking; awesome lounge chairs that we were allowed to snooze in after our brutal 7 1/2 hour flight from the east coast).

An overnight in Bordeaux -- beautiful accomodations in the center of the old part of the city; breathtaking views of amazing architecture as we drove out of town.

Passed through a passel of bucolic French towns (so many houses and buildings built with tawny-colored stone and Spainish-looking red tile roofs); with names such as Baron (we stopped and checked out a funky, cool crypt), Branne, Castion da Battlion, Lamothe-Montravel, Velines, Gardonne, Lamonzie St. Martin, Bergerac (where we stopped and had a delightful, French-inspired picnic and saw the statue of ole' Cyrano de Bergerac), Cryesse (we had to "crawl" through the mother of all open air flea markets or more specifically, what we translated from the original French [vide-grenier] to mean, "empty out the attic"), Tulliers, St. Caprise de Lalinde, Le Buisson de Cadoin, Siorac de Perigord, St. Vincent de Cross, St. Cyprien, Beynac et Cazenac and finally we arrived in Sarlat!

In Sarlat: incredible, incredible, simply incredible!! The food is beautiful and delicious; the sights are just charming and amazing; our accomodations are so posh and delightful -- I can almost imagine being a real Frenchman!

Major downside: Have to struggle in order to communicate in my terribly limited way -- most common phrase used: Pardonez moi, Jeu ne parle pas le Francais, parlez vous l'Anglais? And I pantomine like a wild woman! It's incredible that anyone can figure out what I'm trying to say! But the French here are so helpful and friendly that they have been kind enough to overlook my limited language abilities.

Wine, cheese, and fresh bread with every meal ... I'm going to have to be rolled home at the end of this week! Upon our return, I truly promise to post pictures of our adventures!

Well, I must dash ... I have a lovely dinner to help prepare (grilled duck sausage, fresh green salads with Truffle oil (purchase at local closed air market), fresh strawberries and cream, noix aux chocolat (chocolate covered walnuts -- local speciality) and a lovely local red wine ... YUM!!

Until then ... au revoir!

when does writing ever become easy?

2008-04-25T08:46:00.000-04:00

That's another million dollar question.

I work mostly with seventh grade boys (well, one in particular - he has moderate to significant physical limitations and my suspicion is he has a few cognitive issues as well) and occasionally my job is to keep my charges on task and producing.

Well, when my pal--we'll call him Dan--is expected to work with anything that's straight up black and white, fact-based and then asked to recall what he has just been exposed to, he nails it. Ask Dan to read and then process information (where he's expected to analyze, synthesize or connect it to previous knowledge), forget it. And the sad part about this last feature of learning is that very few of those seventh grade boys can do that either.

Which brings me to my writing conundrum.

Without a real, confident sense of 'how', I'm expected to guide, coach and conjole my young charges through the process of reading, thinking, organizing and finally writing relevant written responses. It's a painful process at best.

The getting of facts and then turning them into complete thoughts (i.e., complete sentences) without the temptation of plagairizing is not too terribly bad. Boys like to list facts--one after the other--with some (and sometimes not) sense of logical order. But it's the introduction and conclusion paragraphs that get my boys in a bind. For most of them, they intuitively don't get the purpose of introducing (and then ending) their papers.

It's like their brains can't grasp the idea of communicating "Hi! This is my subject and it's just so great and these are a few really amazing eye-catching reasons why my subject is so great (but I'll try not to repeat myself or write my entire paper in this first paragraph!)" and "Goodbye! Wasn't that a great paper and I bet you're glad you now know so many important, never-knew-it-before-but-it's-so-important-to-know stuff about my subject (and again I'll try not to repeat myself or rewrite my paper in this paragraph!)"

It's enough to make me want to gnash my teeth, pull out my hair and dread the lowering of intelligence and educational standards of our future society.

But then I must take a deep breath and remember my own junior high experience. Because honestly, I can't ever remember being taught how to do this nebulus writing thing -- I just sort of had to figure it out on my own (and as an adult, I got lots of help from Pos and from reading good writing).

So, I have alot of curiosity/anxiety/energy tied up into this whole writing thing. I want to know how to teach it effectively and successfully, I want to be able to do it myself easily and successfully, and I want to know what's happening in a kid's brain (through all the developmental stages) when they are thinking/planning/executing their writing.

I have so many questions. This whole written communication process simply facinates me.

trying to get it all done

2008-04-22T18:04:00.000-04:00

and not quite making it!

OK, OK, I know, I've been pretty scarce lately. Well, the thing is I've got this trip coming up (to France, no less!) and it's taking up major space in my brain:

What to pack?/what to wear?/what shoe selections make the most sense?
To carry-on? Or not to carry-on?
[That is the million dollar, too close to Heathrow for my comfort, question]
Trying not to forget the passport,
What kind of itinerary do I leave for my mom (AKA: the big dame to be in charge of kiddos and poochie),
How do I write down all the inane things I do/handle/bombard me/manage to accomplish in a week?
Morning routine: how is my mom going get my brood, out the door, on time, for an entire week?!
Kids' schedules: drop-offs/pick-ups - never the same; after school sports - never the same; various social agendas - ditto; etc.
Making piles/making lists: friends' and family phone numbers, school phone numbers - two sets, doctor's number, dentist number, orthodontist number, health insurance cards, car insurance cards, will information, important papers, etc.
Talk to the neighbors - explain the presence of a solitary, strange lady while the couple is away
The dog? How do I begin to address the issue of my co-dependent dog?
Try not to forget the passport.
Clean my house (one more good time) - my mother can not know the reality of my housekeeping skills; it would be embarrassing.
Have I mentioned the just-barely-house-trained dog?
Have I also mentioned that my mom and stairs don't really mix?
Did I also mention that the only way to reach a grassy surface, you have to tread some stairs?
A dog run - we have to install a dog run before we leave.

Ummm, I know I'm missing something ... But I'm confident that it'll come to me just as I'm drifting off to sleep.

dashed off excuses from an AWOL blogger

2008-04-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

It's officially Spring ...

the flowers are finally blooming, the grass is tall and shaggy, lacrosse/softball/baseball are in full swing

and my house is a disaster.

I never have more than five minutes to sit in front of the computer

or read my favorite blogs

or do Facebook

much less compose a written-worthy thought.

I'm a Springtime slacker

and I know it.

Hedy, Pos, Mya,

thanks for your comments and kind words

and I desperately wish to reciprocate ...

but I must dash.

I'm off to my next unscheduled, chaotic time-wasting outdoors event.

scullery maid, seamstress and synaptic misfires

2008-04-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

Whew! It's been a week!

Well for starters, I survived yet another high school dance event! For an almost 40 y.o. female, I sure have spent a LOT of time prepping for high school dances ...

I get to schlep, shop, seamstress and play hairdresser for the 15 y.o. without the lovely benefit of dinner and dancing myself! By the time the event arrives, I'm completely through doing the handmaiden duty and am ready to retire with a bottle of red and a good book. On seamstressing alone, I spent approximately five hours on the double hem of her dress and then last minute had to move strap buttons because, well, that wasn't working out either!

For shoes, hair and finally make-up, I was the Simon Cowle of advice-giving and appearance critique. And the real kicker is that by the end, I'm convinced I've never actually cinched my daughter's appreciation regarding most of my efforts.

Needless to say, I'm completely thrilled with the fact that the formal dance portion of her Freshman year has come to an end ... I was seriously concerned that we might have ended up in parent/child divorce court over the progressive increase in stress and monetary expenditures!

But overall, I have to admit, she did look smashing!

And regarding my scullery maid alternative personality -- it's about ready to revolt and start waging an all out war in this household. My only excuse is that it must be Spring and certain systematic and irrational features of my brain must be overwhelmed by all the accumulated clutter and overall state of shabbiness and disrepair. I'm bemoaning the state of my floors/baseboards/mudroom/attic/basement/garden beds/front porch/back yard/deck latticework damage/etc. etc. etc. etc. ...

Hey, I never claimed to be a rational person. Just possessed of a selectively anal compulsive disorder!

And another tax on my mental capacity can best be explained by the following MollyGras equation:

Synaptic misfires = looking:seeking:searching + access to print:internet information + random:not-so-random:[albeit loosely]connected preformed ideas + identifying:grabbing:holding:corralling ideas + mental webbing[organizing]/thinking & note taking ---> cranial bombardment

[translation: I'm in research mode for a story idea that's been plaguing me for years and refuses to vaporize from my overactive imagination, so I've recently relented and have been getting a little serious with my muse. This is going to be an interesting summer!]

Well ta-ta for now as I continue to suffer from a self-inflicted case of multi-tasking brain overload ... and I really see no end in sight. My only saving grace is knowing that it'll be Friday soon and with Friday comes lovely glasses of mind-numbing wine!!

eight year olds and long term projects

2008-03-28T14:00:00.000-04:00

He excitedly called it his "Orbital Studies" project; where he wanted to create magnificence in the form of core board posters and paper maché. I called it long-term drudgery that would require every ounce of my patience and strength.

Now this particular child of mine has VERY definite opinions about what he wants and how he wants to do things (ergo he'll make a great movie director/CEO/dictator someday!). But in the meantime, he's a constant source of emotional terror in our household -- and as far as the family is concerned (and because I'm the weakest link) I always cave in to his strong personality. *Did I mention that I'm obviously fostering the next generation of hot-headed movie directors/egomaniac CEOs/hostile dictators!)

Anyhoo ...

So instead of surfing my favorite blogs, submitting comments to my favorite blogs or even posting to my own blog, I've submitted my time and mental/emotional/creative energies to the newly aroused enthusiasms of my second grader.

So without further ado, here's a Mollygras original, illustrating the experience I like to call "Primary Independent Studies Hell":

Get ready, set … go!
Build an ant -- a humongous ant.
I am labor: he is management.
“What,” I repeat, “WHAT do you want to make?”
That? And THAT? ALL of THAT?!
Alright, let’s get to it.
Cook sticky paste. Shred strips of paper. Blow up balloons.
Mess, mess and more mess.
Black -- paint everything black.
Not one, but two poster boards
affixed to one another like civil engineering construction.
Information, you need information.
Type. No, focus! Now type. Dude, FOCUS!
(Are we almost done yet?!)
Hot glue, packing tape, wire, paste –
we would have used the adhesive properties of spit if needed!
What about that spot?
OK, how about including this?
More glue.
Almost done.
Good - I have exactly 24 minutes of patience left.
Finally, the apparatus is trussed up and completed.
He is thrilled!
He can’t wait to show his classmates HIS project!
I secretly email the teacher:
I was labor. He was management.

Hmmm, analyzing my life, I’m seeing a trend here …

desperately seeking ... something

2008-03-20T10:07:00.000-04:00

OK, OK ... I know I've been on a major negative roll lately:

wah! wah! No money! wah! wah! Frustrated with life!

But the fact of the matter is that I'm about to turn 40 (in May!), I'm stumbling about trying to raise 3 kids, I don't give my husband nearly the amount of attention he truly deserves, and I'm stuck in a strange professional predicament.

I'm also having these middle of the night palpitations over "Is this what I want to DO for the rest of my life?" "What the hell is WRONG with me?!" "Where am I going to get the money for THAT?!" ... stuff like that.

I can't concentrate, I can't be happy and I'm stressed out of my gourd.

I hate where I am right now and am struggling mightily to figure things out.

Here's a Facebook comment I slammed out yesterday summarizing my current state:

Lately I've been freaking out because of where I'm at: emotionally and professionally speaking. Currently I'm sitting at a crossroads and the fastly approaching summer (i.e.: impoverished season!) is starting to invade my psyche.

I want work = make enough money + schedule flexible + be available to my kids

I want to feel useful + be proud of what I do = job satisfaction

I want to be involved in an occupation that challenges me + motivates me + taps into my creative strengths ...

making money vs. fulfilling personal passions ...

Currently none of these things are meshing! :(

I know, I know ... wah! wah!

So instead of whining and grousing, maybe I should do a better job of getting perspective:

healthy, mostly happy family (*check)
kids happy at school (*check)
house in good neighborhood (*check)
food when needed (*check)
clothes and shoes (*check)
transportation easily accessible (*check)
great friends who want to spend time with me (*check)

I really could go on and on ...

but I've done enough to remind myself of the important things.

bored ...

2008-03-17T22:25:00.000-04:00

and not terribly inclined to do anything about it ...

just yet ...

but here's a silly video to occupy two minutes of your time ...

if you're so inclined.

:)

the perils of not communicating

2008-03-13T08:46:00.000-04:00

You know you are being influenced by the Hells when …

you’d much rather nurse a toxic grudge,
you’d much rather feel really pathetic and sorry for yourself,
you get all mopey and despondent throughout much of the week
and make everyone feel bluesy and sad when you’re around

instead of …

taking a deep breath,
getting a grip,
counting your blessings,
trying to focus on the positives,

and communicating hurts and misunderstandings.

For me, it always, inevitably comes down to my emotional Achilles heel = money.
When I wrongly perceive an inequity of resources being allotted
or wrongly perceive a selfish prioritization of expenditures …

Then I turn into a snipping, snarling evil gremlin-like person
and in turn, I’m cold and uncharitable to the very person
I wrongly perceive as creating my unhappiness.

Lack of money – that’s what makes me unhappy,
Not Hubby.

Therefore, when I have a hissy fit,
and hurl accusations,
and hurt,
at the one person who ALWAYS gets it …

I certainly DO NOT deserve the beautiful vacuum cleaner
(that he had been researching and online price comparing for weeks and planning to buy THAT very night!)

right after I had my hissy fit
and hurled my accusations,
and poured out my hurt.

Because, honestly, I really need to do a better job of taking deep breaths, getting a grip, counting my blessings and focusing on the positives.

And communicating before things get that bad.

Because I really do love that guy,
and all that he does for me,
and how he wants me to always be happy
(when he and I both know that it’s me who sabotages my own happiness on a semi-regular basis)

And, in a silly, silly really rather shallow way
I really, really love my new vacuum!

simply waiting

2008-03-10T20:02:00.000-04:00

I’ve always been a waiter – a person who acutely feels the passage of time ticking in between things.

I feel I spend about 85-95% of my time just waiting.

Waiting for big stuff and little stuff to happen: waiting for long-term and short-term stuff to hit my radar.

I feel like I’m always waiting on the dog to complete a bowel movement.

I wait on the kettle to boil.

I find myself waiting for one of my children to call and tell me they’re ready to be picked up.

I end up waiting for innumerable sporting events to begin. And then I wait on those blessed final minutes when they end.

I wait for more messes to be made so that I inevitably have to clean them up.

I wait for things to break, or get trashed or simply not turn up.

I wait around for friends to invite me over so that I have an excuse to drink.

I’m waiting for those last ten pounds to drop.

More times than I care to count I have to wait for other people to make decisions so that I can make my own.

I wait around for inspiration to strike so that I can do something other than waiting.

Frequently I can’t wait to read my favorite blogs. Then I have to wait for newer posts. But ultimately I have to wait for a spate of courage to invade my soul in order to leave a comment.

I usually can’t wait until after dinner so that I no longer have to wait to go to bed.

I’m waiting for that moment of clarity and understanding when the purpose for my existence reveals itself.

I’m waiting to discover what is “normal”.

I’m waiting for final confirmation – that I’m really full of shit.

I’m waiting for reassurances that my kids will grow up to be good people – that I didn’t mess them up.

I’m unconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop – and find out that I’m not that resilient after all.

I’m waiting for people to stop being so mean. Or ultra-sensitive. Or insecure. Or unthinking.

Or maybe I’m waiting for the uncomfortable truth to be revealed that I’m all of those things – and then some.

And as existential as this sounds, maybe in spite of all the things we accomplish and manage to get done, we are all just waiting to disappear. Get turned back into dirt.

powerball fever

2008-03-09T16:48:00.000-04:00

I tell ya, when those numbers climb up over 100 million, my daydreaming capacity really kicks in!

Currently, the pot's sitting at $230 mil ~ the next drawing isn't until this coming Wednesday.

In the meantime, I'm completely, ridiculously obsessed with what I would do with that money if I were the BIG winner.

~ it's really rather pathetic how I've managed to let this mental addiction take hold ~

anyhoo ...

Suppose the final total were to be up over the current $230 million. And after numerous (and obscene amounts of) taxes have been accounted for, I would then be allowed to take home a humongous cardboard check which would essentially amount to about $100 million dollars, ...

what then?

Well, I'll tell you--because for the past two days this has been clogging my brain arteries and I somehow need to purge this mental demon by posting about it!--by giving you a list of ways I intend to deal with that mountain of cash!

[*ordered according to how each inspiration popped into my head!]

1) Establish trust funds for my three kids; I never, ever want my kids to ever have to worry about money ever, ever (is that enough ever's?!):
= $30 million/$10 mil each

2) Set aside two separate operating costs funds for the hubby and I; I don't want us to have to worry about money ever, ever, ever again (are you all seeing a trend here!):
= $10 million/$5 mil each

3) Preemptively provide for a family appeasement fund -- pay off siblings' cars, pay off siblings' mortgages/buy them houses, set up niece/nephew trust funds (right now there are 13 of them @ $250,000 each):
= $6 million/roughly $3 mil for each side of the family

4) Pay off existing and projected debts -- cars, mortgage, private school tuition for the next 11 years, future college/art school/film school tuition for my kids:
= $1 million

5) Build a new, more energy-efficient, not-so-big house:
= $1 million

6) Establish a family travel fund:
= $1 million

7) Donate to some very specific, personally relevant charities -- our church, our kids' schools, my college scholarship fund [Bread Upon the Waters], my old high school, specific medical organizations, the cancer association, plus a few others:
= $5 million/roughly $250,000-$500,000 each

8) Create The Foundation of Good Causes and the Place Where You Can Follow Your Dream; we shouldn't be the only ones to benefit from this mystical, magical monetary windfall!
= $35 million

9) Invest the rest in a highly diversified portfolio:
= $10 million

10) Lawyers' fees (*Dave, you interested?!)
= $1 million

Wow! I'm so glad I did that! It was rather therapeutic to make "real" that which is imagined.
And besides, you never know ... crazier things have been known to happen; and isn't it clever of me to be SO prepared!!

Now all I need is that winning combination ....

;)

spring break 2008

2008-03-06T17:46:00.000-05:00

Lame ~

that's what my kids are saying about our week off so far.

No exotic locals; no beaches; no outrageously priced mice ~ nope, none of that.

Instead, we've signed up for the simplified vacation package:

(1) sleep in til 10:00 a.m. (or later, depending on your sleep preferences).
(2) all-day pajama wearing is encouraged.
(3) loads and loads of commercialized T.V. watching for the youngsters.
(4) loads and loads of blogging and Facebooking for the elder.
(5) housework/laundry/unfinished projects ~ conveniently relegated to mental "no man's land".
(6) the sucking-black-hole-of-canine-affection gets more undivided attention than he knows what to do with.
(7) a matinée may be scheduled ~ but don't get your hopes up kid!
(8) spend way too much money (of which we really don't have) on Rita's water ice and random dessert fixin's (because when a vacationer can't get going, at least they can consume some savory calories!)
(9) receive random emails/phone texts from other Spring Breakers (because they are feeling slightly bored!), whose vacation options have included touring the Grand Canyon, lounging on the beaches of Sanibel Island and fast passing it in the Magic Kingdom!
(10) getting to hang out with my kids just about every day while succeeding in fulfilling NO pressing obligations.

Hmmm, actually, our vacation plans don't sound so lame after all!

miniature memoirs

2008-03-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

This past Wednesday, my daughter comes home from school with a copy of her high school newspaper clutched in her overburdened hands. As she struggles to haul 60+ pounds of school cargo out of the van, she reads to me some of the more important and entertaining stories being reported.

One story I found rather intriguing was a writing contest, or challenge, that was being sponsored by the English Department: Write your life's memoir in six words or less! I thought "Wow!, what a great idea! I'm all over that!" To learn more, I did a little investigative reporting and managed to locate the first ever Six Word Memoir contest (thank you Google!). I was able to check out how the contest originators determined what a good memoir was and perhaps derive inspiration from some of the original entries.

So, without further adieu, here are a few of my potential mini-memoirs:

once, rather cute; now, terribly unattractive

when awake, perpetual motion; prefer sleep

words: evade, elude, taunt, torture me

when tough comes along, I flee

shit job: my name listed first

enviable, graceful, cultured, elite - I'm not

can't fathom inspiring; only manage surviving

still waiting for something to happen

Whew! I could go on and on ~ but I won't !! However, I challenge you, my lovely blog-reading pals, to come up with your own succinct brand of literary life summations and send them along to be shared!

Best of luck :)

significant shortcomings

2008-02-29T15:46:00.000-05:00

I swear, I simply can not depend on my brain.

I’m constantly having to deal with such annoyances as getting in front of the computer, trying to write a blog entry, and then having my mind go completely blank -- no ideas, no recall, no words -- just blank. And all of that mental pre-writing I had going on while washing the dinner dishes – gone, null, void! This lacking/limited/defunct brain function frustrates the living hell outta me.

This particular synaptic penchant of mine also extends to my word recall abilities. I could be having a conversation--a really great and meaningful conversation—and in the middle of trying to construct a really complicated point--BAM!--words escape me, they fly right out of my head, they fail to be properly retrieved from their word-storing pigeonholes.

In addition to brain malfunctions and unreliable mental functions, I have several other deficits and shortcomings that have lately been plaguing me/ preventing me from making positive life changes/dragging me into the depths of personal despair. In order to encourage some sort of cathartic transformation, I feel compelled to share as many of my pesky traits as I can ~ so here’s a flawed inventory of some of my more “favorite” attributes for your post reading pleasure:

I’m convinced I have dyslexia/a learning disability/a slight mental retardation

However, I am very cognizant of these input/output difficulties, and work that much harder/have that much more empathy for others who suffer with the same difficulties

I’m am lazy/ADDish/have a marked tendency to lose focus and/or interest in many, many things

However, I have somehow managed to stick with some pretty important things ~ finished college, still married, still raising my (haven’t posted on Craig’s list) kids

I have numerous physical deficits: not so attractive/wear glasses/significant droopy, saggy, wrinkly parts/big butt/unfortunate propensity towards gassiness

However, I’ve somehow managed to snag a great-looking guy/most people are willing to hold a conversation with me and not hide when I turn up (just as long as I’ve managed to hit the loo prior to most encounters!)

I deeply care about what people think of me/am horrified when I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings

As a result, I feel very dedicated to the Golden Rule ~ sometimes at great personal sacrifice

I need my sleep way too much/my waking:sleeping ratio is frightfully uneven

However, when push comes to shove, I am able to forgo my favorite state of consciousness in order to make important things happen ~ it’s just not very pretty afterwards!

I’m not sophisticated: I’m uncultured/unrefined/ loud/

As a result, no air of pretense surrounds me ~ what you see is what you get!

Occupationally speaking: I am an unrealistic professional idealist/a bit wishy washy in the decision-making department/an overall self pessimist

However, every job I have ever had, I’ve worked hard/did what I was expected to do/and most times did even more

I’m not terribly ambition/not motivated by wealth/uninterested in achieving personal fame

As a result, I don’t necessarily covet other people’s success/lives/stuff they possess

I’m a rather fearful individual/a big coward/incapacitated when having to face big changes

However, I have always been willing to step in/take over/help out when a situation demands it

So there it is folks, bumpy warts and all. And for some reason I have it stuck in my defective brain that if I were to win the Powerball millions that somehow so many of the above mentioned flaws could be eliminated/smoothed over/made better through enormous financial resources. I could sleep as much as I needed ~ no need for a job/could hire a very entertaining Au Pair/get twice-a-week housekeeping with laundry service. I could go back to school ~ help “rewire” my mental circuitry with better modes of information. And best of all, I wouldn’t have to make ANY career choices that could potentially, and drastically, affect my family

~ me with loads of money = a free agent + greater availability + child resources provided + future plans could be made!

So in summary, I’m going crazy because I find myself at another annoying mental/financial crossroads and am stuck in this highly unrealistic and idealistic skullcap of indecision and angst. More than anything, I’d love to spend my $5, accumulate those winning numbers and be able to buy my way out of this conundrum!

sitting sideways from the soundboard

2008-02-25T12:19:00.000-05:00

Last Friday was an extremely rare, typical blue-moon, date night for me and the hubby. Several weeks before, he scored some fancy tickets to a Friday night Jazz concert at the Kimmel Center with a delicious dinner option preceding it. It was certainly a step-up from Panera and Starbucks!

The food was fantastic, the music was fabulous and the weather managed to behave itself in spite of dire predictions.

One of the funkier, cooler aspects of going to this event was that we had seats behind the soundboard and got to see the soundboard guy do his thing. That set-up was quite a sight to behold: I mean a big venue soundboard (really, probably ANY concert soundboard) is HUGE! And the whole time I'm listening to groovin' tunes, this guy is sliding back and forth doing rather fiddly things ~ hands splayed, pinky always extended, fingers twisting, twitching, hovering over minuscule dials. And one of the more humorous observations I had about his doings was that he seemed to only concentrate his attention on 20 out of the roughly 479 dials at his disposal! It seemed rather bizarre and bewildering that he chose to mess with just those ~ the volume or tone or even the lights never really changed after his twitchy machinations. But then again, I'm not a soundboard-trained professional. I continued to puzzle over his actions throughout most of the concert.

However, regardless of the added distraction, watching this guy tweak and twiddle somehow enhanced my overall listening experience ~ maybe, I liked having a "show" to go along with the music. Perhaps I'm just insanely curious about what other people do. More than likely, I enjoyed pretending that I was somehow in on the action!

Either way, it was loads of fun and can't wait to go out on another "exceptionally rare/blue moon" date event with the hubby! Maybe next time, I'll be able to lean over and quietly ask my incessant, unanswerable questions to the soundboard guy in real time.

snared

2008-02-21T12:15:00.000-05:00

I have been caught up and flung into another web of addiction ...

Facebook!

My sister-in-law emailed me an invite (I said "Yes!") and before I knew it ...

I had 30 friends, 15 FB toys, 11 entries on my Wall, 28 FB emails and 3 invitations to take random quizzes.

I mean this kind of stuff can take over your life. I blew off the dinner dishes, practically threw the 12 yo off the computer chair (when he had every right to finish typing his 6th grade History paper - "But dammit, you're typing TOO SLOW!!," I yowl at him). Snapped at the 8 yo to read his bedtime story to himself. Blatantly ignored the 14 yo's "deathbed wish" for more cups of soothing tea.

It has been Facebook or nothing for the past two days.

And I'm afraid I see no end to everyone's suffer anytime soon!

sleepless in slumberville

2008-02-19T16:03:00.000-05:00

Last night sucked.

I went to bed late enough -- had to work hard to keep my eyes peeled open and my brain engaged -- reading my latest book. [I'm a terribly slow and easily distracted reader: the dog kept chewing at my toes through the blanket].

Lights off and me snugged up warm and cozy -- sans the wiggly dog. He was retrieved by Pos early on (thank goodness!).

Then I began to twist ..., scrunch ..., curl ..., stretch, roll over ..., grab second pillow, curl ...

I just couldn't settle down.

It was like my brain was good and ready to shut down but my body was waging the "wiggle wars"!

And then the itching and scratching began.

I have no idea why this particular physical annoyance seems to drive me bat shit, but it does.

I try to ignore it: try to imagine it's all psychosomatic.

But my imagination gets the better of me:

Dammit! The dog has fleas!

Bedbugs! OMG! I have a rabid infestation of bedbugs!

Lice! When was the last time there was an outbreak at school. OMG! I'm the next victim!

I have a terminal skin disease--like leprosy--only more subtle and nocturnal in nature!

If I have to scratch ONE MORE TIME I'm going to go flipping crazy!!

And then I proceed to twist ..., scrunch ..., curl ..., stretch, roll over ..., grab second pillow, curl ...,

all over again.

I think I was even doing all of this in what little sleep I managed to get.

Therefore, I woke this morning, feeling like I had a hangover (without the benefit of the fun beforehand!)

I had to carry my weary carcass into work

and I had to pretend to be alert, bright, attentive, and ready for academic action!

Yeah, right!

There wasn't enough caffeine to get me through a day like today ...

slower still

2008-02-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's me. Again.

I forgot to express some deeply felt appreciation for another blogger buddy of mine - a lady who's helping to spread blogging love--around the world!--one person at a time, the Energizer Bunny Granma of blogs, Jeni! This gal has a well-attended blog-roll of which she faithful comments to almost daily and she is the keystone of sanity and support for her own little PA family.

I'd love to grab a cup of coffee, sample some of her delicious baked goods and flip through her well-researched genealogy work to better appreciate this great gal. With her level of written enthusiasm and energy, this lady can run circles around me.

Thanks so much for all your wonderful support and comments -- you've been an absolute dear!

slow

2008-02-16T21:18:00.001-05:00

yes -- on the uptake. That's me.

I'm often slow in recognizing an opportunity (social, professional or otherwise).

I'm generally slow in making well-thought-out plans -- I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants kind of gal.

And most importantly, I'm terribly slow at properly accepting awards and accolades and acknowledgments. I don't normally receive them, so I'm a bit dense when it comes to doing something about them.

I was ecstatic to receive the oh-so-sexy "Mwah!" award from Omega Mum! She's this incredibly pithy, bright and witty babe from across the Pond whose currently contemplating the downside to owning car insurance, the (de)merits of recorder instruction, and has to have been coming to grips with her numerous virtual "cocktail parties" as of late. I'm a big fan and it was a huge honor to be awarded by her.

I was doubly thrilled to receive the yowza! swankified "E is for Excellence" award from my groovy, living-in-the-wilds-of-France pal Mya! She's currently enjoying a post-Valentine's, pre-Spring body polish high and is due to rejoin us after her martial moment of obvious back-rendering bliss has run its course. Some of us are more than a tad bit jealous!

And lastly, but certainly not leastly, I was quoted, linked and overall given a virtual pat on the back by my Chicago-living blog buddy Hedy. She--to misquote myself--"rocks balls!" This chick should be doing (what she manages to do during a coffee break) for a living -- her running dialogue of living life in the working hell trenches is really incredible stuff. I feel humbled that she even bothers to read my rambling dribble.

So, I may be slow to cognate/type out/produce this running stream of gratitude, but my best intentions--thank goodness--have finally overcome my mental inertia to help prod me along.

Thank you ladies -- and thanks to all my blog-reading pals.

Cheers :)

snow

2008-02-12T17:30:00.000-05:00

Unbelievable. It's snowing -- not much, but enough to cast the illusion of winter.

Both the older kids stayed home from school: illness -- round two. I'm suspicious it may be strep.

It's kinda nice being home and not having to quickly run out again for some other scheduled, overbooked event. It makes me appreciate those pre-school days when it was all about home and not much else.

So it's a jammy-wearing, tea-sipping, T.V.-watching kind of afternoon -- and no real rush to create "dinner magic"!

[segue]

Recent announcement at work: one of the current 4th grade teachers announces "adieu" after this school year; full-time position available; anyone in-house interested?

I say, "Does the pope wear a funny hat?!"

I quickly whip off an email to Pos: am I crazy to even consider this?!

It depends on what you want, he replies, what is it about this job that appeals to you?

I respond,

Pros:

The other 4th grade teacher is awesome! A major selling point.
The Intermediate Aides are also awesome! They'd totally have my back when things got tough.
I love the idea of being in charge of a classroom.
I love teaching/learning.
I've already been in the "system" for over three years now -- I feel confident I'd figure out how to make things work
Would get complete tuition remission for all three of my kids -- through two years of college (if they choose to go to the church-affiliated college)!!

Cons:

I'd have to actively arrange "other" care for my youngest (will be a 3rd grader next year) after school -- that's a tough one to wrap my head around because I've just about always been his after school care.
I'd have to plug in many more hours to get this job done -- which gets taken away from family, friends, dog, housework ...
I go from grading and writing reports for 3-5 students to about 15-19 students each term
I don't have an education degree -- I have a B.A. in psychology from Penn
I'd be unavoidably subjected to the political hoopla that is so typically of this kind of school
I didn't grow up in this church -- don't really know the songs, the recitations, the subtle themes. I've sorta been lip syncing it thus far.

Well, that's some of the stuff pinging around in my brain/within my life right now. I got lots to ponder and to discuss over the next few days.

In the meantime, I'll go and take my poochie for a stroll in the snow. I'll continue to avoid having to cook dinner. And I'll continue to wish for a much-anticipated snow day for tomorrow.

swamped

2008-02-08T14:35:00.000-05:00

It has been the craziest week ...

Three high school volleyball games, two hockey practices, one hockey game, one high school Principals Council meeting, one puppy visit to the vet, two boys over for a sleep over, and a myriad of plans/preparations for daughter's Sadie Hawkins dance.

Whew!

Last week I was posting like a ma'am-a-jamma and well, this week ... nuttin', nada, zippo-roonie! You can never predict these things.

Any-hoo, I haven't been of the mind or the temperament to write anyway -- been a bit crabby and out of sorts. Maybe it's due to this accelerated rate of living. Or maybe I'm grouchy and bloggily non-productive because my house is a Disaster (*please not the capital 'D'), the laundry pile is atrocious, my yard and front porch are mocking me with their undeniable white trash curb appeal.

I appear to be railing against the sloppies, the unkempt, the sloven nature of my personal surroundings. And it doesn't help that the ground outside is mucky wet, the trees and grass are a yucky shade of brownish gray, and there is simply nothing attractive about globally-warmed winters.

What I would like is a lovely, modestly accumulated snow fall -- 8 to 10 inches will do -- to make me happy. My kids would love it (we'd get a snow day!), my poochie would be ecstatic and I'd certainly enjoy a change from this dreary winter venue.

So if we're not going to get a real winter ...

then I say, bring on Spring

seventeen

2008-02-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

Ah, a lovely age to experience adolescent angst,
but this isn't about the teenage years.

For me, those memories are complicated and chaotic;
therefore, I will save that for later.

This, however, is about how many years I've managed to remain married,
to the same guy:

The wonderful, incredible, always brilliant Pos!

[BEWARE: it's the "love bandits", circa 1991]

This yearly milestone is an incredible tribute to
tenacity,
deep affection,
mutual respect,
open-mindedness,
flexibility,
shared goals,
and shared perspectives.

Because when we started out
we started out with some not-so-good role models,
preceding us.

And that reality,
I think,
made things pretty tough,
to navigate
the early rough waters
of minor martial discord.

Between the two of us
we've experienced three divorces,
and five different marriages.
Not on our own --
but through our collective sets of parents.

And so far ...
we've worked hard,
not to continue
that family tradition.

And we still have many, many years ahead
to keep working hard.

So every year
when Punxsutawny Phil
[AKA "the Groundhog"]
takes a peep outside
for a possible glimpse of his shadow,
I gladly anticipate
not six more weeks of winter
or even the arrival of an early spring,
but minutes, moments
days and weeks
of continued martial harmony
and bliss.

snoring

2008-02-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

It's rainy, it's pouring
The old woman is snoring
she went to bed
and bumped her head
And couldn't get up in the morning

It is rainy today. Alot.
No snoring (at least I don't think so - you'd have to ask Pos)
I did get up.
But not to head bumping
but to middle boy puking.
Stomach flu has struck the household - x1
Now I lie in wait for the next household victim.
I expect that one
to come to germy fruition
within the next 24 hours.
Yuck!

I got to blow off work.
Oops! I mean stay home and be nursemaid.
In reality, I surfed the web,
made crushed ice,
and tried to convince the dog that he can make pee-pees in the rain.

I should have cleaned.
I should have folded laundry.
I should have made important lists
of things to do later.
Instead
I sat on my big behind
in front of the computer
and read stuff
and pondered stuff.
And passively kept track of the pooch.

It's rainy.
It's pouring.
I think I might look into doing some snoring.

suspicious, I say

2008-02-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

To continue my rant of the previous blog ...

This has many red flags, bells and whistles going off in my head.

Call me conspiracy theorist, but when it looks like a rose, smells like a rose, by golly, it's a damn rose.

uranium anyone?

2008-01-30T20:18:00.000-05:00

At the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, Shell's CEO announced the world demand for oil would outstrip supply within seven years.

Seven years?! Holy crap!

Well my driving-in-the-minivan-listening-to-NPR-dropping-kids-off-at-school ears completely perked up. [Important note: when Marketplace's Scott Jagow or Kai Rysdall talks, I'm all ears!]

Well since Scott couldn't get access to this particular CEO -- for direct confirmation of this crazy statement -- Scott was stuck having to get the scoop from some European correspondent named Stephen Beard. Stephen's take on this whole dramatic pronouncement is that basically every country is going to have to majorly resort to alternative/renewable energy sources [i.e., bring on the windmills and solar panels] or be prepared to dig up pristine/protected habitats in sub-arctic regions [to get at those untouched oil reserves] because soon we ain't going to have much expendable fuel sources at our disposal. Like no go-go, no click-click, no zoom-zoom.

And obviously all of this has to go down in under seven years! Yeah, that's going happen.

I see a couple of things coming out of this newest development in the "As the Oil Well Dries Up" energy drama:

1. Nuclear power plant lobbyists are going to break out and embrace this "sanctioned" opening as an opportunity to push even more aggressive development plans onto a wary post-Chernobyl generation (but wait a minute - what about nuclear waste! "What nuclear waste? That's not our problem. We got you what you wanted - fast and convenient energy!"

2. Petroleum lobbyists are going use this same opening to whine and wheedle Legislators into letting them stick their smelly drills into the tundra of Alaska in order to prolong the inevitable.

3. Coal. I'm not even going to comment on that. Yikes!

So, unless I manage to figure out how to get my hands on that nifty Mr. Fusion energy device for my car and eventually get desperate enough to chop down the neighbors trees for the winters to come, I guess I'm going to have to take an ole' "wait and see" attitude with this particular drama.

In the meantime, and playing it safe (hah! hah!), I guess I should keeps tabs on the going Black market rate for fuel-grade uranium. Surely I can find an online build-it-at-home reactor kit for all my personal energy needs.

on a roll

2008-01-29T16:38:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit like a news reporter as I write this ...

Today on NPR, Terri Gross interviewed punk legends Mick Jones and Tony James. And while I was less interested in their personal histories, musical lineage, or even their entertaining anecdotes, I was vastly amused by their very thick English accents.

I mean, where the hell is Mick from? He almost sounds like the character 'Bert' from Mary Poppins -- loads of dropped syllables, thickly slurred endings of words, all expressed with an unique cadence. And at some points, it was like I was hearing a foreign language. I could easily imagine meeting him in a not-so-respectable place trying to sell me some not-so-respectable stuff.

Tony, on the other hand, had what I would consider the standard, what-we-Americans-think-is-a-British-accent accent. He enunciated just about every word distinctly, sounded rather "Tut, tut, looks like rain-ish" to me and I sort of image him being a banker or businessman -- never a former punk, glam rock star of the 70's.

What a funny thing -- how you speak -- making such a silly impact on people's perception of you.

I found it very amusing.

you learn something new everyday

2008-01-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

Today on NPR, Terri Gross and Fresh Air.

With her guest, Randall Balmer, touting his new book, God in the White House.

I always believed (like I'm sure most people had) that the conservative, rabid Evangelical Right had congealed as a political entity under the unifying banner of Pro-Life, post Roe v. Wade era.

But according to this guy, this frightening mass came into being over disputes regarding segregation and taxes -- in the 70's , the IRS said no tax-exempt status for organizations that discriminated individuals based on race or creed (think Bob Jones University in Greenville, S.C.).

Translation: the IRS said no money back because they weren't being charitable.

Huh! Go figure, a powerful religious movement born out of greed and bigotry.

Why doesn't that surprise me, but continue to disturb me.

auditory processing for dummies

2008-01-27T21:18:00.000-05:00

Lately I must look like a crazy pretard – bundled up against the cold, wearing headphones and an iPod, trying to “walk” a spastic dog that continually lurches about at the end of his leash. And to make matters worse, innocent passer-byers have no idea that I’ve got half my brain occupied with trying to keep my stupid puppy from running out into the middle of the road while the other half of my brain is trying to “learn” French for an upcoming trip to France. What makes this even more “pretardish” is how I’m walking through the neighborhood -- yammering aloud the unfamiliar syllables of a foreign language, all in an attempt to make this stuff seem a bit more familiar to my brain, ears and lips.

I must look rather bizzaro to the people who walk and drive by.

“Bonjour, monsieur,” intones the melodious French instructor in my left ear. Good Morning, sir.

“BONjur MONsir,” I yollar out loud.

“Je vous connais?” my right ear murmurs. Do I know you?

“JAY voo con-nay!” I belt out again. This time, Max stops, tilts his head to the side as if to say, “Umm, you know you’re making funny noises in the middle of nowhere, right?!”

“Well, you try making sense of all these ‘oo’s, ‘voo’s, ‘zee’s ‘sh’s, and ‘ch’s – it’s enough to make anyone’s head spin!”

Well at this point, my internal dialogue has wandered off so much that I’m severely sidetracked and have lost track of what order the sounds are supposed to be, where in the lesson I’m supposed to be, and am thoroughly confused.

“Où sont je,” chimes an efficient and perfectly accented woman. Where am I?

“WHO zont chee-a,” I attempt to mimic.

“Je suis perdu,” continues the same perfect voice. I am lost.

“JAy zeus – ‘Jesus’, that’s funny! PERdue, hey, like Perdue chicken. I like their chicken. It’s a shame they had to go and raise their prices. Such good quality, though. Oh shoot, where am I?!”

And then …

the rapid fire series begins

and I’m woefully unprepared for the subsequent auditory onslaught:

Where is the bathroom?
"Où est la salle de bains?” – Duh bains? Like brains? Weird.

I desire a room with a shower.
"Je désire une chambre avec une douche.” – A douche? Ewww, that’s just gross!

I have lost my mind.
“J'ai perdu mon santé mentale” – Ment-towel? Oh, I’m mental alright!

Is not a problem.
“N'est pas un problème” – NEST pa? Fathers like living in twiggy abodes?!

I will continue to drink heavily.
“Je continuerai à boire lourdement” – Je oo a boo loo err ment!! I have no bloody idea what I just said!

Where can I buy more wine?
“Où peut j'acheter plus de vin?” – Duh vine? Wine! I heard wine! I must, absolutely must, remember that phrase!!

“Merci bien pour votre aide.” – Mercy! Oh lordy, please have mercy on me! I am lost in the land of parlay voo!

So I continue to mumble, curse, meander, and cry out in confusion as I finish up my “tug-of-war” walk with Max. This may not be what the French for Dummies people had in mind when they created their language lessons, but it’s the best I can manage with the time resources I have available.

Besides, now I know which phrases to focus my linguistics efforts on: “plus de vin s'il vous plait” (more wine please) and “Où est la salle de bains?” (where is the bathroom?)

I figure anything more than that is icing on the cake.

tagging out bits of randomness

2008-01-20T16:05:00.000-05:00

My British/Frenchie blogger pal Mya tagged me last week, in which I'm supposed to share seven random blurbs about myself to fulfill this tagging requirement. Unfortunately, I didn't have any exciting sex with animals or drinking or even drug-related incidents to recount, but I feel confident that I'll make the best of this opportunity to share a little bit more about myself (and hopefully entertain as well). So here goes ...

1. I have an unhealthy dependence on adverb modifiers (e.g., too, so, very, really, rather) in my writing. It's like I'm never satisfied with stating a clearly quantified position; it appears I always feel compelled to pump it up a notch or two -- it's so very immature and really rather weak to write that way!

2. I attended five elementary schools, one middle school, three high schools, and four institutes of higher learning -- I've only just managed to graduate from college in 2005!

3. At my second high school (student population = 42), I was the only white cheerleader. It was there that the black girls took pity on me (or more than likely were terribly embarrassed by me!) and had to teach me how to have rhythm and how to dance.

4. I've always wanted to be a drummer and be a part of a kick ass all-girl rock band.

5. Because I like the color blue so much, that preference greatly influenced my decision to join the Air Force over the Army (much, much nicer uniforms!)

6. Among a vast array of eligible and good-looking military men, I chose to pursue Pos because he looked mighty fine in those BDUs (that's military for Battle Dress Uniform, or simply put, camouflage!)

7. I really can't embrace the culinary arts - food is fuel as far as I'm concerned. I know, I know, it's a tremendously lazy and bland attitude to have, but food preparation really doesn't revve my engine (unlike the unheralded art of household clutter control -- now there's something to get my giblets all in a twitter!!)

Well folks, there's some of my silly randomness for your reading pleasure -- I hope it enlightens as well as entertains.

Cheers :)

quick update

2008-01-16T16:23:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, I want to thank you all for your comments. The human capacity to care, love, empathize, and share is sometimes so staggering. And lil sis, your post managed to reduce me to tears.

Thank you.

And I was surprised with how the process of "pouring one's angst out onto paper" can be such a cathartic experience. Right after hitting that publish post button, I felt an actual lightness and sense of relief replace my inner tension -- like I had just screamed everything into a hole, filled it back up and then walk away from the whole mess. It was amazing.

But now I'll take this opportunity to report on a good shift -- away from lots of stress and anxiety. As a result of her drastic crash, my dear friend is seeking tremendous amounts of professional help. As to whether she chooses any of the options they give her, I wouldn't know because I choose not to go there with her.

I feel fine about what I'm doing with the organizing and coordinating of daily helpers. My efforts have mostly been through email and a few phone calls and everyone's been incredibly helpful, supportive, and flexible. The best part is that I don't have to work out any of the financial logistics. Someone else has gladly chosen to take that on.

Most importantly, I feel very dedicated in making sure that my friend's oldest daughter gets to where she needs to be (i.e., social engagements, hang out with her friends, returned home after dance class, etc.) and has the opportunity to be somewhere else, if she chooses. That baby girl has been like a second daughter to me (and has practically grown up with my own) that I'd just about move heaven and earth to support her. She's a great kid.

And currently I sit in a place of absolute freedom about NOT calling her if I don't feel I have the physical or mental energy to "walk the path" with her. I'll admit something to you all that gets at the heart of my personal struggle with this whole crisis -- I'm really a major conflict coward: I hate having to deal with personal drama. And unfortunately the presence of enormous drama is a huge component in my friend's personal life. My typically strategy, when having to deal with anything this uncomfortable, is to flee and stay hidden till things blow over. I figure, that way, I won't say anything callous or cold-hearted (out of emotional self-defense) and I'll never be tempted to judge another person's choices if I stay in that remote zone.

So here I am, in the remote zone, lending support in the best way I can and trying to maintain a healthy perspective of everything going on around me.

snippets

2008-01-15T16:44:00.001-05:00

[I'm going to try and write this without proofreading and editing it to death. Here goes ...]

Life is kinda crazy right now. I have a friend who's falling apart and she has a husband and three kids and they are kinda cracking at the seams because she's falling apart. She doesn't really have much of a family to help her out -- a couple of sisters, a sister-in-law, and a mom -- but they all have lives. And they have been through this before. And so have I. This will be the third time, to be exact. First time, after second child was born -- bad postpartum depression. Second time, after third child was born -- worse postpartum depression. This time, well, she didn't like the anti-depression cocktail they'd concocted for her over the past three years and, figuratively, she decided to dump the whole mess down the drain. Now she's a manic, hasn't sleep in four weeks, mess while her immediate family and friends are left to watch her become a train wreck as a result.

I've been on the phone for hours: processing with her, letting her pour out and weep over what she's going through, setting up schedules for much-needed coverage of children, making a meal, tactfully processing with others who don't know her as well but want to understand and help. I've increased my driving time: driving her teenager home every evening after extra curricular activities, taking her middle son to his hockey practices and his hockey games so that dad can be home for her and their youngest.

For all of this, I wouldn't choose to do anything less. But I know myself, I won't last for long.

I'm tired, stressed and anxious. My husband and my kids are getting the worst version of me. My puppy is starting to react poorly to my unexpressed emotion. And I'm realizing I have to figure out some important things about all of this before it's too late. Such as, how long am I willing to plug in/coordinate/process this crisis before I turn indifferent, callous and cynical about some else's pain? How long am I willing to dedicate a hefty chunk of my mental energy to someone else's needs before I start to see some detrimental consequences within my own life?

I'm typically a very private person and I'm rather respectful of other people's private issues: I really don't like having to have this much input into another person's life. This whole scenario has thrown me into a very uncomfortable place and I'm not so sure I want to be here for much longer.

why I want that million - part 2

2008-01-09T20:12:00.000-05:00

More chew toys. Absolutely more stinky chew toys.

This puppy is EATING just about everything!

He's developed this unhealthy taste for window ledges and my funky running shoes.

Hey, at least he's stop trying to devour the eight year old.

why I want that million - part 1

2008-01-06T13:54:00.000-05:00

Not for more stuff. I can barely manage the stuff I have. Besides, if I bought more stuff I’d have to get a bigger house. Then I’d be forced to dive into the nightmare that is the current housing market; and that scares me – a lot. But my dream (with lots of money) would be to invest in personal services, the generation of creative ideas, and to experience exciting opportunities.

Here are some of the ways I’d spend all that money:

services: twice-a-week maid service, aforementioned laundress, on-call contractor for significant home improvement projects, pre-prepared healthy meals, weekly chiropractor visits for my entire family, yoga lessons, tennis lessons, ballroom dance lessons for me and the hubby.

ideas: buy a set of Encyclopædia Britannica, have unlimited access to Audible.com books, get to go to graduate school, send hubby to innumerable screen writing conferences/workshops, sign up for cooking classes for myself and the kids, attend art classes for myself and the kids.

experiences: trips to Europe and Africa and Australia with the family, a trip to the Grand Canyon with a pop-up camper, tour Universal or 20th Century Fox film studio with my media-loving family, unlimited hockey clinics for my boys, summer outdoor adventure/explorer camps for the kids, numerous overnights in New York City to catch Broadway shows or to simply hang out in the Museum of Natural Science.

Well, that’s a few of the things I wish I could afford. Mostly I daydream about the many trips I wish my family could go on but know we’ll never be able to afford; a version of reality that kind of bums me out. And I’ll write later about the stress and anxiety of simply thinking about the college application process (AKA "how in the hell are we going to foot that bill!"). Double bummer.

Well, if money could grow on trees, I’d sure as hell try to locate me a sturdy sapling.

hockey mom ... with an attitude

2007-12-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

[That's what it says on the hooded sweatshirt the kids gave me for Christmas -- it totally rocks!]

"Dude, what a great game! That goal you made was incredible!"

"Yeah, it was kinda crazy how the puck bounced off that guy's head and flipped in."

"Did you hear me cheering for ya when it went in?"

"Ummm, mom it was kinda impossible NOT to hear you; your screaming was echoing off the walls. Why do you have to be so loud."

Pause.

"Well, I'm loud. I like being loud. And the your teammates' parents like me being loud. It's a bit of a joke that I'm the momma mouthpiece for the team. Besides Colin (the goalie) LOVES IT when I cheer for him; he waves up at me every time I give him a verbal standing ovation!"

"Yeah, well, you really don't have to be so loud. It's embarrassing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe you could tone it down a bit."

Pause.

"OK. I'll try. But it'll be real hard. Remember, I'm loud. And I love watching you play. And I get really excited and I can't help myself. It's a bit of an out-of-body experience really. But I'll try. I promise. Maybe I'll save my loudest, most enthusiastic cheering for your little brother's games ... he could really use the encouragement."

dirty little secret

2007-12-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe it’s a dysfunctional clean secret.

The thing is my family is forced to live out of laundry baskets. Not for sleeping or eating, of course, but for the purpose of temporarily housing clean clothes. The practice of sifting through perfectly folded items of apparel in cleverly arranged chest of drawers is an alien concept to my family -- to find something to wear, they must all “fish for fleece” as the saying goes in our household. Folding laundry and putting it away (on a semi regular basis) is really unheard of around here. I mean, for criminy sake, they’re only going to get it all dirty and then I have to wash/dry everything all over again. What’s the point of that! Folding and putting away laundry is the most pointless waste of energy I can think of (well besides mopping floors and weeding garden beds – but that’s a disclosure I’ll save for another post).

So if I had a million dollars …

… I’d hire a friendly Ecuadorian laundress who’s happily supporting a humongous family back in Central America.

… I’d locate a professional organizer who could put my mess of a house into some semblance of order (especially my overstuffed and neglected dresser drawers, closets, attic and basement spaces).

… I’d donate heavily to my local thrift store, because if it weren’t for them, I would have despaired of disposer’s [AKA polluter’s] guilt a long time ago.

Even though this particular housekeeping practice may be rather dubious to most folks, I had to pick a system that made the most sense to my family -- even though it occasionally drives me crazy.

ho ho hack hack *hack

2007-12-23T09:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been offline for so long (Pos, the nag-o-gram was happily received!) but I'm still under the weather and things have been brutally hectic in the run up to Christmas.

The kids and I had school up until Friday the 21st (the day of the big Christmas program. When you go to a church school, the Christmas program is a big deal). Needless to say, organizing dressier-than-normal threads for young boys can be a bit of a nightmare on the morning of said event. "No. You have to wear khakis. Then wear a belt for heavens sake! No, you can't wear a skater shirt -- wear this! Dude, you missed a button. Yes, you need to tuck in your shirt. You look like crap with it pulled out. Fine! Look like crap. See if I care!" All I can say, I'm awfully glad that my daughter has to wear a uniform to her school.

As a special treat for enduring yet another pre-traumatic Christmas program, I took the kids to a local shee-shee market and bought us all sushi! And then I had to promptly whip my house in shape (absolutely NO small feat of manic activity) and cook two big pots of Jambalaya for an informal dinner party that I was hosting for 9 adults and 10 kids. And poor Pos came home that afternoon with this evil cold, went to bed for a much needed nap and was unable to work his kitchen cooking magic for me. And the real shame is that I didn't drink nearly as much as I should/needed to and therefore I went to bed feeling a bit deflated.

Currently Pos and I are in a serious pre-Christmas scramble mode. We went last minute shopping last night and got some much needed stuff; however, the whole experience left me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and a tad bit discouraged with having to choose among all the picked over merchandise. And unfortunately it looks like I need to throw back a stiff drink and launch myself back out there one more time before I'm truly done. I won't even mention how much wrapping I haven't done!

And to top everything off, we've had not a one, not a two but a FOUR hockey game weekend this weekend with our hockey-playing boys. Me driving in one direction, Pos driving in the other and rarely the twain shall meet (except to the final game where the outcome is expected to be close). I try to bundle, I end up freezing. I holler and scream and lose what little of my voice I have left. In the end, however, there's joyous spectator fun to be had by all.

Well folks, that's a sampling of how nutty the last week and a half has been. I expect that after Christmas morning things will settle down to a nice dull roar and pajama wearing will be the order of the remaining holiday. We'll read, watch TV, snuggle, walk the dog, nap and in general slug about (as we're prone to do when we have time off).

I sincerely hope all of you have a Merry, merry Christmas and a wonderful new year and I thank you all for stopping by and visiting me on occasion. It's been a joy and an honor to share my life with you all and I look forward to next year's written adventures.

Best to you all!

Molly

waiting for the poop to drop

2007-12-10T20:43:00.000-05:00

Yep, folks, more glorious pics of the pooch. This time some live action shots (usually while waiting for him to complete one of his daily constitutions!)

He's a regular pouncier -- look out if you happen to be a bag of kibble.

We've discovered a new use for the unused rope swing in the back yard: a self-propelled chew toy for a very sharp-toothed puppy.

"What!? You're supposed to do something in order to get a Beggin' Strip. Looking cute only gets you praise and people talking at you in funny little voices."

"Where's the ball, Max?! Where's the ball? Go get the ball, Max! The ball ..."

not listed ... yet

2007-12-10T20:42:00.000-05:00

Not on America's Most Wanted, Craig's List, or on eBay. So far so good.

These pics are for all my blogging pals who were (understandably) concerned about my mental health and were (understandably) concerned about the status of my pooch. Well, here he is ... in all his napping glory. Enjoy!

I lovingly refer to him as "batboy" when he crashes out like this.

Here he is with his brother, Casey -- the blond spaniel-like, long-eared wonder. You should see these two go at it!

Our stance was going to be "not on the furniture!" We were adamant about "not on the furniture!" We always looked down our noses when others couldn't keep their dogs off of the furniture.

We quickly caved, retracted our dictate and are now the proud partakers of crow; you can call us your friendly neighborhood hypocrites.

slow and sure insanity

2007-12-04T15:33:00.000-05:00

I am absolutely positive.

I'm going crazy.

In addition to feeling like crap, every time I try to sit down and attempt to write a post, I have to hop up and see what the puppy is into. I've pretty much given up on the pine green upholstered chair sitting in our living room -- let him chew it up if it gives me ten minutes of peace.

And bodily functions, I'm sick to death of trying to keep track of his peeps and poops every minute I'm home. He's already peed at least five times and pooped four times on my watch in the house and it's only been two and half weeks!

The kids try -- when they're home. The husband's a real trooper -- when he's home. However, I'm a guilt-ridden, house-bound nutjob with a (probably typical) puppy that's pushing me to the edge.

Even though this may not be as bad as sleepless nights harboring sore and cracked nursing nipples -- it's getting pretty damned close!

I wanted so bad to write about the drama of my fourteen year old getting her contact lenses last night ...

Couldn't. Had to freeze my butt off while waiting for one of the dog's innumerable bowel movements to occur.

I wanted to post an inquiry to you all, my blogging pals, about writing styles and ask you questions about how you deal with plagiarism

Couldn't. I had to clean up yet another doggy mess.

I wanted to chat about this morning's MarketPlace report regarding the U.S. economy and how the Europeans are flipping out about it.

Couldn't. I have to retrieve large fluffy stuffing from out of my puppy's mouth.

I wanted to post a nifty little poem about autumn and the endless chore of leaf raking.

Couldn't. Damned dog has figured out how to knock over the safety gate and bust through to the other side.

I desperately want to indulge in this mentally liberating activity of thinking, writing and sharing ...

But I can't ...
because my brain can't form coherent thoughts when I'm always worrying about the dog.

I hab a coldt

2007-12-01T09:07:00.000-05:00

pardon me while I blow snot into a tissue

oh rats! some landed on the screen.

gross!

I live in an infected house.

and I'm the last to be infected.

I'm sorry

mothers shouldn't get sick.

surely there's a dictate or universal law

prohibiting said state of maternal illness.

therefore, which lawmaker should I lobby

to make official

a decree

protecting moms against

possible germ invasions.

foggy -- ribbit ribbit

2007-11-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

[an inside joke between me and my daughter!]

Today we had some major wacky weather in the burbs of Philly: a torrential downpour followed by some seriously spooky fog that lasted ALL day. I felt like I was living in Monterey, CA again.

I really don't know how people manage to drive around in that visually impairing stuff -- it's like trying to navigate through a Lord of the Rings movie set. However, while driving around with my son, we noticed that the oncoming cars and their obscenely elongated headlight beams were like an optical illusion -- as they were coming up over the hills, and in a blink of an eye, it looked like they were driving into an underground tunnel and then quickly resurfacing again. It was made even eerier with the ethereal lighting effect originating from the dense fog. That feature of the fog was kinda cool.

Regardless of cool visual effects, I'll be happier with better driving conditions tomorrow.

interesting proposition

2007-11-23T10:54:00.000-05:00

I found this link while surfing the internet and found it rather intriguing.

Has me thinking not only about holiday shopping but regular all-year-round consumerism as well.

Hmmm ... but could it work and/or make a difference?

Dear Santa

2007-11-22T19:35:00.000-05:00

[Black Friday's almost upon us ... so here we go!]

Ok. I’ll stop stressing and get on with it.
I’ll make a list
and check it twice.
I know for a fact I’ve been more naughty than nice.

So being a friendly-like wife,
I try to oblige hubby
by giving him a Christmas wish list
which greatly helps him with his gift-giving process.

Now, don’t get me wrong,
I may be freaking out about how much money we tend to spend this time of year.
And I may go majorly berserko when I feel compelled to buy crap
and still more crap
when engaging in compulsory Christmas gift-giving practices.

But, hey, it’s the holidays and all the cool kids are consuming.

So without further ado, here’s Molly Gras’ Christmas Wish List for good ole’ Pos …

1) Black Mary Jane Crocs®, size 7 ½.
I know. It looks kind of funky. But I have a pair of Croc clogs and those bad boys rock!

2) New Microwave.
My current microwave is huge, looks like it belongs in a 1970’s kitchen, has disturbing burn marks on the inside edge, and has been making this alarming rattling sound when I microwave something for more than five minutes.

3) Pandora® Murano glass beads.
Bling! A magpie girl, such as myself, can never have enough of the sparkly stuff. For my birthday last year, many of my friends coordinated their gift-giving gestures and gave me a lovely, partially-filled Pandora bracelet. I love the thing! And it’s great because for every birthday, major holiday, anniversary, or any ole’ special occasion you can add a bead to your bracelet which becomes filled with special memories! So far, five of my best pals have bracelets, as well as my daughter, and it makes gift-giving a cinch.

4) Life is Good® pajamas.
I’m a sucker for comfy PJs. And I’m crazy for LIG merchandise – their little cartoon dog gets me every time! For some reason I always ask for pajamas for Christmas and for my birthday. I don’t know why. I guess it’s because I love to lounge around the house in appropriate and comfy sleepwear. Besides, the transfer to beddy-bye time is much more efficient if I’m already dressed for the occasion.

5) Nike or New Balance running shoes, size 7 ½.
I need new running shoes. The ones I have now have flattened toe and heel support – it’s like wearing pancakes. Ouch! Something you need to know about me is that I’ve never, ever been a part of the ‘marathon’ set, I’m more of a “jalker” – a lovely combination of walking and light jogging: just enough up and down momentum to reach maximum jiggle then a quick throttle back to minimum wiggle. It’s really a rather unattractive thing to witness which is why I prefer to “jalk” late evening (however I would rather be out in the dead of night – but unfortunately I can’t see the sidewalks then).

6) Long running pants (not the tight type – NO ONE wants to see what I’ve got in tight marathon pants!) and long-sleeved Under Armour® running shirts: pants – size not telling you and shirt –medium.
Because I insist on embarrassing myself in the neighborhood, I would like to camouflage my ample parts in strategically flattering active wear. And obviously I’ll need my active wear to have that subtle reflector striping to help stave off any unwanted car collisions.

7) Dansko® Risa suede boots, European size 38.
Boots. I’ve always wanted nice, comfortable, wear-to-work, wear-with-a-skirt-or-jeans boots. Every autumn, I always end up coveting the fashionable fall footwear of my working compadres. Coveting is a bad thing. I should do something about that. Therefore, I’ve decided to put this on my wish list!

8) Socks: in many colors, heights, and made of various soft materials.
Like PJs, I can never have enough pairs of yummy socks

9) This book from Amazon.

It looks rather geeky and bizarre, I know, but I’m in a bit of a research frenzy on this particular topic. I’m hoping to create a short curriculum based on this subject for the middle-school teachers I support as well as create a comprehensive PowerPoint presentation to educate the rest of the school’s faculty on it sometime in the spring. Therefore, I need relevant information; thus the need for this geeky book.

Well, Pos and blogger pals, here’s my attempt at listing my holiday wants and wishes. And although I abhor senseless consumerism and reckless consumption, I hope I’ve been able to justify to you all (but mostly to myself) what these material wishes may mean to me. Regardless of whether I receive one or all of my requests*, what’s really important is that I know that I am loved. I know that I have everything I need. And most importantly, I know that I don’t need stuff to make me happy.

*(Pos, please don’t even think about buying ALL of this stuff – we’re going to France next May! Have Santa fill my stocking with francs.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
$$$wishes: to be able to afford wonderful little gifts for each and every one of my friends
$$$sins: so far not one Christmas present has been purchased – it’s going to be light fare and a ‘cracker and ketchup’ December for this family
$$$goals: to have every well-thought-out and meaningful present purchased and wrapped before Christmas Eve – yeah, right!