Wednesday, October 21, 2009

lazy is as lazy does

I have such a burning desire to accomplish so much more in my life than what I'm currently pursuing; however, I have this incredible knack for talking myself out of just about everything -- from taking that first step or making any strategic plans or really exerting any effort what so ever.

In short, I suffer from what I like to call "convenient inertia" ... of the "not moving" variety.

I seemingly like to appreciate other people's hard working efforts/accomplishments but I haven't the gumption to be a part of that group. I'm a fantastic consumer -- lousy contributor.

Love to read -- read alot, but can't bring myself to write [I'm too lazy and have a loud critical voice in my head]. Love beautiful images -- admire and analyze them often, but I can't be bothered to create my own original work [again, lazy and it's awefully loud in here!]. I make up all sorts of glorious excuses for not taking on any personal challenges other than dinner, laundry, car pick up/drop off and impromptu social gatherings.

I'm starting to feel restive and more than a bit rote.

I feel like I'm living a barely contemplated existence and am not willing to take on any challenges. This sorry state might have originated from when I took that last gut-wrenching, mentally exhaustive exam at U of Penn five years ago and, as a result of that final academic effort, I must have subconsciously made a vow that only vapid and shallow pursuits will fill my days from there on out! And now I'm aghast at how long I've allowed myself to become so dormant and vacuous.




I guess, in short, I'm looking for a good kick in the pants to get moving on something -- anything! -- either self imposed, from a close friend, from a working group of compadres and friends, or where ever. I obviously need to do something -- anything! -- before I sink any further in this mire of "what's the point? who really cares?" ...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

my disease

the terrible case of not being able to say "no"

to friends, family, teenagers, people I work with ... just about anyone!

I absolutely struggle with this affliction.