I swear, I simply can not depend on my brain.
I’m constantly having to deal with such annoyances as getting in front of the computer, trying to write a blog entry, and then having my mind go completely blank -- no ideas, no recall, no words -- just blank. And all of that mental pre-writing I had going on while washing the dinner dishes – gone, null, void! This lacking/limited/defunct brain function frustrates the living hell outta me.
This particular synaptic penchant of mine also extends to my word recall abilities. I could be having a conversation--a really great and meaningful conversation—and in the middle of trying to construct a really complicated point--BAM!--words escape me, they fly right out of my head, they fail to be properly retrieved from their word-storing pigeonholes.
In addition to brain malfunctions and unreliable mental functions, I have several other deficits and shortcomings that have lately been plaguing me/ preventing me from making positive life changes/dragging me into the depths of personal despair. In order to encourage some sort of cathartic transformation, I feel compelled to share as many of my pesky traits as I can ~ so here’s a flawed inventory of some of my more “favorite” attributes for your post reading pleasure:
- I’m convinced I have dyslexia/a learning disability/a slight mental retardation
However, I am very cognizant of these input/output difficulties, and work that much harder/have that much more empathy for others who suffer with the same difficulties
- I’m am lazy/ADDish/have a marked tendency to lose focus and/or interest in many, many things
However, I have somehow managed to stick with some pretty important things ~ finished college, still married, still raising my (haven’t posted on Craig’s list) kids
- I have numerous physical deficits: not so attractive/wear glasses/significant droopy, saggy, wrinkly parts/big butt/unfortunate propensity towards gassiness
However, I’ve somehow managed to snag a great-looking guy/most people are willing to hold a conversation with me and not hide when I turn up (just as long as I’ve managed to hit the loo prior to most encounters!)
- I deeply care about what people think of me/am horrified when I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings
As a result, I feel very dedicated to the Golden Rule ~ sometimes at great personal sacrifice
- I need my sleep way too much/my waking:sleeping ratio is frightfully uneven
However, when push comes to shove, I am able to forgo my favorite state of consciousness in order to make important things happen ~ it’s just not very pretty afterwards!
- I’m not sophisticated: I’m uncultured/unrefined/ loud/
As a result, no air of pretense surrounds me ~ what you see is what you get!
- Occupationally speaking: I am an unrealistic professional idealist/a bit wishy washy in the decision-making department/an overall self pessimist
However, every job I have ever had, I’ve worked hard/did what I was expected to do/and most times did even more
- I’m not terribly ambition/not motivated by wealth/uninterested in achieving personal fame
As a result, I don’t necessarily covet other people’s success/lives/stuff they possess
- I’m a rather fearful individual/a big coward/incapacitated when having to face big changes
However, I have always been willing to step in/take over/help out when a situation demands it
So there it is folks, bumpy warts and all. And for some reason I have it stuck in my defective brain that if I were to win the Powerball millions that somehow so many of the above mentioned flaws could be eliminated/smoothed over/made better through enormous financial resources. I could sleep as much as I needed ~ no need for a job/could hire a very entertaining Au Pair/get twice-a-week housekeeping with laundry service. I could go back to school ~ help “rewire” my mental circuitry with better modes of information. And best of all, I wouldn’t have to make ANY career choices that could potentially, and drastically, affect my family
~ me with loads of money = a free agent + greater availability + child resources provided + future plans could be made!
So in summary, I’m going crazy because I find myself at another annoying mental/financial crossroads and am stuck in this highly unrealistic and idealistic skullcap of indecision and angst. More than anything, I’d love to spend my $5, accumulate those winning numbers and be able to buy my way out of this conundrum!