I swear, I simply can not depend on my brain.
I’m constantly having to deal with such annoyances as getting in front of the computer, trying to write a blog entry, and then having my mind go completely blank -- no ideas, no recall, no words -- just blank. And all of that mental pre-writing I had going on while washing the dinner dishes – gone, null, void! This lacking/limited/defunct brain function frustrates the living hell outta me.
This particular synaptic penchant of mine also extends to my word recall abilities. I could be having a conversation--a really great and meaningful conversation—and in the middle of trying to construct a really complicated point--BAM!--words escape me, they fly right out of my head, they fail to be properly retrieved from their word-storing pigeonholes.
In addition to brain malfunctions and unreliable mental functions, I have several other deficits and shortcomings that have lately been plaguing me/ preventing me from making positive life changes/dragging me into the depths of personal despair. In order to encourage some sort of cathartic transformation, I feel compelled to share as many of my pesky traits as I can ~ so here’s a flawed inventory of some of my more “favorite” attributes for your post reading pleasure:
- I’m convinced I have dyslexia/a learning disability/a slight mental retardation
However, I am very cognizant of these input/output difficulties, and work that much harder/have that much more empathy for others who suffer with the same difficulties
- I’m am lazy/ADDish/have a marked tendency to lose focus and/or interest in many, many things
However, I have somehow managed to stick with some pretty important things ~ finished college, still married, still raising my (haven’t posted on Craig’s list) kids
- I have numerous physical deficits: not so attractive/wear glasses/significant droopy, saggy, wrinkly parts/big butt/unfortunate propensity towards gassiness
However, I’ve somehow managed to snag a great-looking guy/most people are willing to hold a conversation with me and not hide when I turn up (just as long as I’ve managed to hit the loo prior to most encounters!)
- I deeply care about what people think of me/am horrified when I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings
As a result, I feel very dedicated to the Golden Rule ~ sometimes at great personal sacrifice
- I need my sleep way too much/my waking:sleeping ratio is frightfully uneven
However, when push comes to shove, I am able to forgo my favorite state of consciousness in order to make important things happen ~ it’s just not very pretty afterwards!
- I’m not sophisticated: I’m uncultured/unrefined/ loud/
As a result, no air of pretense surrounds me ~ what you see is what you get!
- Occupationally speaking: I am an unrealistic professional idealist/a bit wishy washy in the decision-making department/an overall self pessimist
However, every job I have ever had, I’ve worked hard/did what I was expected to do/and most times did even more
- I’m not terribly ambition/not motivated by wealth/uninterested in achieving personal fame
As a result, I don’t necessarily covet other people’s success/lives/stuff they possess
- I’m a rather fearful individual/a big coward/incapacitated when having to face big changes
However, I have always been willing to step in/take over/help out when a situation demands it
So there it is folks, bumpy warts and all. And for some reason I have it stuck in my defective brain that if I were to win the Powerball millions that somehow so many of the above mentioned flaws could be eliminated/smoothed over/made better through enormous financial resources. I could sleep as much as I needed ~ no need for a job/could hire a very entertaining Au Pair/get twice-a-week housekeeping with laundry service. I could go back to school ~ help “rewire” my mental circuitry with better modes of information. And best of all, I wouldn’t have to make ANY career choices that could potentially, and drastically, affect my family
~ me with loads of money = a free agent + greater availability + child resources provided + future plans could be made!
So in summary, I’m going crazy because I find myself at another annoying mental/financial crossroads and am stuck in this highly unrealistic and idealistic skullcap of indecision and angst. More than anything, I’d love to spend my $5, accumulate those winning numbers and be able to buy my way out of this conundrum!
3 comments:
After reading this post, I have come to a huge conclusion. You are either a child I had that I have no recollection about or a sister my Mom withheld from telling me about or a cousin from somewhere in my family tree that has been hiding from the rest of the family all these years! Way too many similarities there kid, that we HAVE to be related, or so it would seem.
Maybe we could pool our resources and play the Powerball thingy together sometime. I'm sure splitting 273,000 in half would still give us both more than adequate funds to achieve our dreams, don't 'cha think?
You're a mess - welcome.
Jeni -
The really weird thing about these "similarities" is that I know SO MANY people who have more than a few of these traits in common with me. I've decided that this must be the standard profile for most mediocre achievers and those that possess the middle class mindset ~ in other words, you have to work triply hard to escape that personal reality.
And BTW - Powerball is up to $153 million ~ I'd say we go for it!!
Dave -
Why, thank you :)
I'm constantly taking stock of my "mess" ~ for instance, within the last 24 hours I've even come up with three more non-beneficial traits that I possess (low threshold for noise and visual pollution, inability to make compromises with assholes - I just avoid them, and I have irrational fears that greatly impact my decision-making process - terrified of flying, constantly vigilant against any kind of abuses perpetrated against my kids)
As you can see, I do a fantastic job of thwarting ANY personal ambitions I allow myself to entertain!
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