the perils of not communicating

You know you are being influenced by the Hells when …

you’d much rather nurse a toxic grudge,
you’d much rather feel really pathetic and sorry for yourself,
you get all mopey and despondent throughout much of the week
and make everyone feel bluesy and sad when you’re around

instead of …

taking a deep breath,
getting a grip,
counting your blessings,
trying to focus on the positives,

and communicating hurts and misunderstandings.

For me, it always, inevitably comes down to my emotional Achilles heel = money.
When I wrongly perceive an inequity of resources being allotted
or wrongly perceive a selfish prioritization of expenditures …

Then I turn into a snipping, snarling evil gremlin-like person
and in turn, I’m cold and uncharitable to the very person
I wrongly perceive as creating my unhappiness.

Lack of money – that’s what makes me unhappy,
Not Hubby.

Therefore, when I have a hissy fit,
and hurl accusations,
and hurt,
at the one person who ALWAYS gets it …

I certainly DO NOT deserve the beautiful vacuum cleaner
(that he had been researching and online price comparing for weeks and planning to buy THAT very night!)

right after I had my hissy fit
and hurled my accusations,
and poured out my hurt.

Because, honestly, I really need to do a better job of taking deep breaths, getting a grip, counting my blessings and focusing on the positives.

And communicating before things get that bad.

Because I really do love that guy,
and all that he does for me,
and how he wants me to always be happy
(when he and I both know that it’s me who sabotages my own happiness on a semi-regular basis)

And, in a silly, silly really rather shallow way
I really, really love my new vacuum!