critics review

**this was written in an attempt to entertain myself while on the job supporting 8th graders in Comp class; their assignment was to pretend to be a restaurant critic at home)

This Critic's Review

The first thing a patron notices upon entering Chez Crumhole is the chaotic energy emitting from the core of this dismal dining operation. The chef is rather frazzled and tense and can often be heard expressing many unpleasant comments during meal prep.

The decor is cluttered and terribly lacking in appreciable (albeit unrefined) ambiance. The kitchen is more than a little appalling, the service is provided by disgruntled and terribly wifty individuals and the dishes are bland and--not surprisingly--unappetizing.

For example, my most recent (and unfortunately not my last!) meal at Chez Crumhole consisted of pre-packaged, pre-cooked meatballs carelessly slung into a pot of pre-packaged, canned red sauce while a scary-looking pot of boiling water was filled with pre-packaged, pre-processed hardened penne noodles. As a consumer, I was filled with a peasant-like sense of dread knowing that this meager offering was not a scrumptious culinary experience but yet another disappointing caloric refueling obligation.

This critic takes away stars from Chez Crumhole for this restaurant dining experience and would be hard pressed to recommend it to anyone else (unless of course your last name happens to be Crumhole ... and then that leaves you with no other options!!)