desperately seeking ... something

OK, OK ... I know I've been on a major negative roll lately:

wah! wah! No money! wah! wah! Frustrated with life!

But the fact of the matter is that I'm about to turn 40 (in May!), I'm stumbling about trying to raise 3 kids, I don't give my husband nearly the amount of attention he truly deserves, and I'm stuck in a strange professional predicament.

I'm also having these middle of the night palpitations over "Is this what I want to DO for the rest of my life?" "What the hell is WRONG with me?!" "Where am I going to get the money for THAT?!" ... stuff like that.

I can't concentrate, I can't be happy and I'm stressed out of my gourd.

I hate where I am right now and am struggling mightily to figure things out.

Here's a Facebook comment I slammed out yesterday summarizing my current state:

Lately I've been freaking out because of where I'm at: emotionally and professionally speaking. Currently I'm sitting at a crossroads and the fastly approaching summer (i.e.: impoverished season!) is starting to invade my psyche.

I want work = make enough money + schedule flexible + be available to my kids

I want to feel useful + be proud of what I do = job satisfaction

I want to be involved in an occupation that challenges me + motivates me + taps into my creative strengths ...

making money vs. fulfilling personal passions ...

Currently none of these things are meshing! :(

I know, I know ... wah! wah!

So instead of whining and grousing, maybe I should do a better job of getting perspective:

healthy, mostly happy family (*check)
kids happy at school (*check)
house in good neighborhood (*check)
food when needed (*check)
clothes and shoes (*check)
transportation easily accessible (*check)
great friends who want to spend time with me (*check)

I really could go on and on ...

but I've done enough to remind myself of the important things.