Saturday, August 16, 2008

hating now

tired, insolvent, frustrated, and angry ...

quite a deadly combination.

I have an irrational hostility towards the the here and now ...

especially towards myself.

I feel livid

and hopeless

and terribly, terribly sad.

I can't even begin to layer letters

structure words

orchestrate sentences

to describe how I feel

right now.

Wasted,

I feel like a waste.

An angry waste of space

with time to kill.

9 comments:

Dave said...

loving now:

Kids, taking up too much time and energy, but worth the effort.

The husband, ornery, but having some redeeming qualities; and, probably worth the effort.

SIL, ditto.

The kids at school, time, energy and you have to make the effort.

Us who read along with your life, there's some love out here.

molly gras said...

Ahhh, Dave, my friend ...

thank you so much.

Your comments and virtual friendship mean so much.

lil sis said...

Jeez Dave!!! I'm getting all choked up....and not from lunch!

Molly, while I'm not nearly as eloquent as your favorite lawyer, there is lots of love here.

Sonja's Mom said...

I'm so sorry you feel bad. I wish I could give you a hug. I always tell my children "This to will pass in time". I hope you feel better soon.

Posolxstvo I said...

or·ner·y /ˈɔrnəri/ Dialect.
1. ugly and unpleasant in disposition or temper: No one can get along with my ornery cousin.
2. stubborn: I can't do a thing with that ornery mule.
3. low or vile.
4. inferior or common; ordinary.

I am indeed occasionally stubborn, and occasionally unpleasant, and I am very very ordinary. But I wonder if "ornery" is a less apt description of me and my peculiar annoyingnesses than some other word might be.

Obviously, I am not qualified to judge, seeing as I am a little too close to the subject matter. And I'm not really sure what that word should be.

It might help to know that my family considers me to be a bit of a bear. Generally keep to myself. I like to hide out in my cave. Will perform for food. And only really dangerous when threatened or cornered.

So maybe that word should be "ursine?"

Or how about "ursinine?"

molly gras said...

lil sis -
Thanks babe! Your love and friendship means everything to me ...

and I mean everything!

sonja's mom -
Thank you so much for the kind words.

I just need to exercise A LOT more patience and tap into a HELL OF A LOT more resiliency.

Pos -
You are my bear; ursinine and cranky, you're still my loving bear.

Thanks for having patience as well as putting up with all my issues.

xxooxx

Dave said...

It seems Molly has solved the labelling thing.

Hedy said...

Sending warm comforty thoughts your way tonight. Oh, and what Dave said, too. Lovely.

molly gras said...

Dave -
Labeling has never been my problem -- occasionally dealing with reality may be my real problem.

Hedy -
Thank you for snuggly sentiments!

I love you man!