Friday, October 31, 2008

irritation

You know what irritates me ...

getting blamed for something I have no control over, such as:
  • other people's expectations not getting met
  • other people's annoying actions
and especially
  • other people's own anxieties getting amplified because of my own
Yea, I know I am an exceedingly anxious person. Sorry to be the repeater of old news, but I am. I worry about money. I worry about making the right choices. I worry about making serious mistakes that could adversely effect other people. I worry about my kids and their happiness and how they'll turn out. I'm uber aware of my own insecurities and how they rear their ugly little heads when I try to prove my worth. And, yes, I'm annoyingly consistent with my constant refrain of "I'm not worthy!" "What's the point of me!" I get it; it gets real old. Fast.

I get it!

But guess what, that's me! Take it or leave it!

And you can stack those flaws right up there with my insanely strong capacity for empathy, my over-riding sense of charity, my willingness to extend myself for someone else and my characteristic in-the-moment, super-charged exuberance.

I'm the one who doesn't wait to be asked, but pitches in and helps out. -- no thanks or accolades needed. I'm someone people turn to when they want a sympathetic ear, to give them kind advice without judgment or censure -- when I can offer some. I'm the one driving OTHER people's kids here and there because they know they can count on me. My flaws and strengths are pretty much different sides of the same coin. And quite frankly, I can't imagine being any other way.

So when you have the misfortune of seeing me crab about, grousing "The sky is falling and I haven't a clean enough cave to hide in", by all means do not point your finger at me and say "YOU are the problem" and "YOU are the reason everything is so gloomy" ...

... be sure to point that finger right back at yourself and say, "Well, aren't those the exact same feelings I was having --- I just didn't want to hear them said aloud."

3 comments:

Dave said...

So, as I know a bit about your family, I'm thinking they aren't thinking that you are as lame as you think.

molly gras said...

Thanks Dave for your kinds words.

And yes, you may be right. They may not be thinking I'm lame but undoubtedly they frequently think I'm one big grumpy wench!

A title I'm afraid I often deserve and something I obviously need to work on ...

lil sis said...

breath in.....breath out....relax.....