significant shortcomings

I swear, I simply can not depend on my brain.

I’m constantly having to deal with such annoyances as getting in front of the computer, trying to write a blog entry, and then having my mind go completely blank -- no ideas, no recall, no words -- just blank. And all of that mental pre-writing I had going on while washing the dinner dishes – gone, null, void! This lacking/limited/defunct brain function frustrates the living hell outta me.

This particular synaptic penchant of mine also extends to my word recall abilities. I could be having a conversation--a really great and meaningful conversation—and in the middle of trying to construct a really complicated point--BAM!--words escape me, they fly right out of my head, they fail to be properly retrieved from their word-storing pigeonholes.

In addition to brain malfunctions and unreliable mental functions, I have several other deficits and shortcomings that have lately been plaguing me/ preventing me from making positive life changes/dragging me into the depths of personal despair. In order to encourage some sort of cathartic transformation, I feel compelled to share as many of my pesky traits as I can ~ so here’s a flawed inventory of some of my more “favorite” attributes for your post reading pleasure:

• I’m convinced I have dyslexia/a learning disability/a slight mental retardation

However, I am very cognizant of these input/output difficulties, and work that much harder/have that much more empathy for others who suffer with the same difficulties

• I’m am lazy/ADDish/have a marked tendency to lose focus and/or interest in many, many things

However, I have somehow managed to stick with some pretty important things ~ finished college, still married, still raising my (haven’t posted on Craig’s list) kids

• I have numerous physical deficits: not so attractive/wear glasses/significant droopy, saggy, wrinkly parts/big butt/unfortunate propensity towards gassiness

However, I’ve somehow managed to snag a great-looking guy/most people are willing to hold a conversation with me and not hide when I turn up (just as long as I’ve managed to hit the loo prior to most encounters!)

• I deeply care about what people think of me/am horrified when I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings

As a result, I feel very dedicated to the Golden Rule ~ sometimes at great personal sacrifice

• I need my sleep way too much/my waking:sleeping ratio is frightfully uneven

However, when push comes to shove, I am able to forgo my favorite state of consciousness in order to make important things happen ~ it’s just not very pretty afterwards!

• I’m not sophisticated: I’m uncultured/unrefined/ loud/

As a result, no air of pretense surrounds me ~ what you see is what you get!

• Occupationally speaking: I am an unrealistic professional idealist/a bit wishy washy in the decision-making department/an overall self pessimist

However, every job I have ever had, I’ve worked hard/did what I was expected to do/and most times did even more

• I’m not terribly ambition/not motivated by wealth/uninterested in achieving personal fame

As a result, I don’t necessarily covet other people’s success/lives/stuff they possess

• I’m a rather fearful individual/a big coward/incapacitated when having to face big changes

However, I have always been willing to step in/take over/help out when a situation demands it

So there it is folks, bumpy warts and all. And for some reason I have it stuck in my defective brain that if I were to win the Powerball millions that somehow so many of the above mentioned flaws could be eliminated/smoothed over/made better through enormous financial resources. I could sleep as much as I needed ~ no need for a job/could hire a very entertaining Au Pair/get twice-a-week housekeeping with laundry service. I could go back to school ~ help “rewire” my mental circuitry with better modes of information. And best of all, I wouldn’t have to make ANY career choices that could potentially, and drastically, affect my family

~ me with loads of money = a free agent + greater availability + child resources provided + future plans could be made!

So in summary, I’m going crazy because I find myself at another annoying mental/financial crossroads and am stuck in this highly unrealistic and idealistic skullcap of indecision and angst. More than anything, I’d love to spend my $5, accumulate those winning numbers and be able to buy my way out of this conundrum!

sitting sideways from the soundboard

Last Friday was an extremely rare, typical blue-moon, date night for me and the hubby. Several weeks before, he scored some fancy tickets to a Friday night Jazz concert at the Kimmel Center with a delicious dinner option preceding it. It was certainly a step-up from Panera and Starbucks!

The food was fantastic, the music was fabulous and the weather managed to behave itself in spite of dire predictions.

One of the funkier, cooler aspects of going to this event was that we had seats behind the soundboard and got to see the soundboard guy do his thing. That set-up was quite a sight to behold: I mean a big venue soundboard (really, probably ANY concert soundboard) is HUGE! And the whole time I'm listening to groovin' tunes, this guy is sliding back and forth doing rather fiddly things ~ hands splayed, pinky always extended, fingers twisting, twitching, hovering over minuscule dials. And one of the more humorous observations I had about his doings was that he seemed to only concentrate his attention on 20 out of the roughly 479 dials at his disposal! It seemed rather bizarre and bewildering that he chose to mess with just those ~ the volume or tone or even the lights never really changed after his twitchy machinations. But then again, I'm not a soundboard-trained professional. I continued to puzzle over his actions throughout most of the concert.

However, regardless of the added distraction, watching this guy tweak and twiddle somehow enhanced my overall listening experience ~ maybe, I liked having a "show" to go along with the music. Perhaps I'm just insanely curious about what other people do. More than likely, I enjoyed pretending that I was somehow in on the action!

Either way, it was loads of fun and can't wait to go out on another "exceptionally rare/blue moon" date event with the hubby! Maybe next time, I'll be able to lean over and quietly ask my incessant, unanswerable questions to the soundboard guy in real time.

snared

I have been caught up and flung into another web of addiction ...

Facebook!

My sister-in-law emailed me an invite (I said "Yes!") and before I knew it ...

I had 30 friends, 15 FB toys, 11 entries on my Wall, 28 FB emails and 3 invitations to take random quizzes.

I mean this kind of stuff can take over your life. I blew off the dinner dishes, practically threw the 12 yo off the computer chair (when he had every right to finish typing his 6th grade History paper - "But dammit, you're typing TOO SLOW!!," I yowl at him). Snapped at the 8 yo to read his bedtime story to himself. Blatantly ignored the 14 yo's "deathbed wish" for more cups of soothing tea.

It has been Facebook or nothing for the past two days.

And I'm afraid I see no end to everyone's suffer anytime soon!

sleepless in slumberville

Last night sucked.

I went to bed late enough -- had to work hard to keep my eyes peeled open and my brain engaged -- reading my latest book. [I'm a terribly slow and easily distracted reader: the dog kept chewing at my toes through the blanket].

Lights off and me snugged up warm and cozy -- sans the wiggly dog. He was retrieved by Pos early on (thank goodness!).

Then I began to twist ..., scrunch ..., curl ..., stretch, roll over ..., grab second pillow, curl ...

I just couldn't settle down.

It was like my brain was good and ready to shut down but my body was waging the "wiggle wars"!

And then the itching and scratching began.

I have no idea why this particular physical annoyance seems to drive me bat shit, but it does.

I try to ignore it: try to imagine it's all psychosomatic.

But my imagination gets the better of me:

Dammit! The dog has fleas!

Bedbugs! OMG! I have a rabid infestation of bedbugs!

Lice! When was the last time there was an outbreak at school. OMG! I'm the next victim!

I have a terminal skin disease--like leprosy--only more subtle and nocturnal in nature!

If I have to scratch ONE MORE TIME I'm going to go flipping crazy!!

And then I proceed to twist ..., scrunch ..., curl ..., stretch, roll over ..., grab second pillow, curl ...,

all over again.

I think I was even doing all of this in what little sleep I managed to get.

Therefore, I woke this morning, feeling like I had a hangover (without the benefit of the fun beforehand!)

I had to carry my weary carcass into work

and I had to pretend to be alert, bright, attentive, and ready for academic action!

Yeah, right!

There wasn't enough caffeine to get me through a day like today ...

slower still

Yep, that's me. Again.

I forgot to express some deeply felt appreciation for another blogger buddy of mine - a lady who's helping to spread blogging love--around the world!--one person at a time, the Energizer Bunny Granma of blogs, Jeni! This gal has a well-attended blog-roll of which she faithful comments to almost daily and she is the keystone of sanity and support for her own little PA family.

I'd love to grab a cup of coffee, sample some of her delicious baked goods and flip through her well-researched genealogy work to better appreciate this great gal. With her level of written enthusiasm and energy, this lady can run circles around me.

Thanks so much for all your wonderful support and comments -- you've been an absolute dear!

slow

yes -- on the uptake. That's me.

I'm often slow in recognizing an opportunity (social, professional or otherwise).

I'm generally slow in making well-thought-out plans -- I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants kind of gal.

And most importantly, I'm terribly slow at properly accepting awards and accolades and acknowledgments. I don't normally receive them, so I'm a bit dense when it comes to doing something about them.

I was ecstatic to receive the oh-so-sexy "Mwah!" award from Omega Mum! She's this incredibly pithy, bright and witty babe from across the Pond whose currently contemplating the downside to owning car insurance, the (de)merits of recorder instruction, and has to have been coming to grips with her numerous virtual "cocktail parties" as of late. I'm a big fan and it was a huge honor to be awarded by her.

I was doubly thrilled to receive the yowza! swankified "E is for Excellence" award from my groovy, living-in-the-wilds-of-France pal Mya! She's currently enjoying a post-Valentine's, pre-Spring body polish high and is due to rejoin us after her martial moment of obvious back-rendering bliss has run its course. Some of us are more than a tad bit jealous!

And lastly, but certainly not leastly, I was quoted, linked and overall given a virtual pat on the back by my Chicago-living blog buddy Hedy. She--to misquote myself--"rocks balls!" This chick should be doing (what she manages to do during a coffee break) for a living -- her running dialogue of living life in the working hell trenches is really incredible stuff. I feel humbled that she even bothers to read my rambling dribble.

So, I may be slow to cognate/type out/produce this running stream of gratitude, but my best intentions--thank goodness--have finally overcome my mental inertia to help prod me along.

Thank you ladies -- and thanks to all my blog-reading pals.

Cheers :)

snow

Unbelievable. It's snowing -- not much, but enough to cast the illusion of winter.

Both the older kids stayed home from school: illness -- round two. I'm suspicious it may be strep.

It's kinda nice being home and not having to quickly run out again for some other scheduled, overbooked event. It makes me appreciate those pre-school days when it was all about home and not much else.

So it's a jammy-wearing, tea-sipping, T.V.-watching kind of afternoon -- and no real rush to create "dinner magic"!

[segue]

Recent announcement at work: one of the current 4th grade teachers announces "adieu" after this school year; full-time position available; anyone in-house interested?

I say, "Does the pope wear a funny hat?!"

I quickly whip off an email to Pos: am I crazy to even consider this?!

It depends on what you want, he replies, what is it about this job that appeals to you?

I respond,

Pros:

• The other 4th grade teacher is awesome! A major selling point.
• The Intermediate Aides are also awesome! They'd totally have my back when things got tough.
• I love the idea of being in charge of a classroom.
• I love teaching/learning.
• I've already been in the "system" for over three years now -- I feel confident I'd figure out how to make things work
• Would get complete tuition remission for all three of my kids -- through two years of college (if they choose to go to the church-affiliated college)!!
  

Cons:

• I'd have to actively arrange "other" care for my youngest (will be a 3rd grader next year) after school -- that's a tough one to wrap my head around because I've just about always been his after school care.
• I'd have to plug in many more hours to get this job done -- which gets taken away from family, friends, dog, housework ...
• I go from grading and writing reports for 3-5 students to about 15-19 students each term
  
• I don't have an education degree -- I have a B.A. in psychology from Penn
• I'd be unavoidably subjected to the political hoopla that is so typically of this kind of school
• I didn't grow up in this church -- don't really know the songs, the recitations, the subtle themes. I've sorta been lip syncing it thus far.

Well, that's some of the stuff pinging around in my brain/within my life right now. I got lots to ponder and to discuss over the next few days.

In the meantime, I'll go and take my poochie for a stroll in the snow. I'll continue to avoid having to cook dinner. And I'll continue to wish for a much-anticipated snow day for tomorrow.

swamped

It has been the craziest week ...

Three high school volleyball games, two hockey practices, one hockey game, one high school Principals Council meeting, one puppy visit to the vet, two boys over for a sleep over, and a myriad of plans/preparations for daughter's Sadie Hawkins dance.

Whew!

Last week I was posting like a ma'am-a-jamma and well, this week ... nuttin', nada, zippo-roonie! You can never predict these things.

Any-hoo, I haven't been of the mind or the temperament to write anyway -- been a bit crabby and out of sorts. Maybe it's due to this accelerated rate of living. Or maybe I'm grouchy and bloggily non-productive because my house is a Disaster (*please not the capital 'D'), the laundry pile is atrocious, my yard and front porch are mocking me with their undeniable white trash curb appeal.

I appear to be railing against the sloppies, the unkempt, the sloven nature of my personal surroundings. And it doesn't help that the ground outside is mucky wet, the trees and grass are a yucky shade of brownish gray, and there is simply nothing attractive about globally-warmed winters.

What I would like is a lovely, modestly accumulated snow fall -- 8 to 10 inches will do -- to make me happy. My kids would love it (we'd get a snow day!), my poochie would be ecstatic and I'd certainly enjoy a change from this dreary winter venue.

So if we're not going to get a real winter ...

then I say, bring on Spring

seventeen

Ah, a lovely age to experience adolescent angst,
but this isn't about the teenage years.

For me, those memories are complicated and chaotic;
therefore, I will save that for later.

This, however, is about how many years I've managed to remain married,
to the same guy:

The wonderful, incredible, always brilliant Pos!

[BEWARE: it's the "love bandits", circa 1991]

This yearly milestone is an incredible tribute to
tenacity,
deep affection,
mutual respect,
open-mindedness,
flexibility,
shared goals,
and shared perspectives.


Because when we started out
we started out with some not-so-good role models,
preceding us.

And that reality,
I think,
made things pretty tough,
to navigate
the early rough waters
of minor martial discord.

Between the two of us
we've experienced three divorces,
and five different marriages.
Not on our own --
but through our collective sets of parents.

And so far ...
we've worked hard,
not to continue
that family tradition.

And we still have many, many years ahead
to keep working hard.

So every year
when Punxsutawny Phil
[AKA "the Groundhog"]
takes a peep outside
for a possible glimpse of his shadow,
I gladly anticipate
not six more weeks of winter
or even the arrival of an early spring,
but minutes, moments
days and weeks
of continued martial harmony
and bliss.

snoring

It's rainy, it's pouring
The old woman is snoring
she went to bed
and bumped her head
And couldn't get up in the morning

It is rainy today. Alot.
No snoring (at least I don't think so - you'd have to ask Pos)
I did get up.
But not to head bumping
but to middle boy puking.
Stomach flu has struck the household - x1
Now I lie in wait for the next household victim.
I expect that one
to come to germy fruition
within the next 24 hours.
Yuck!

I got to blow off work.
Oops! I mean stay home and be nursemaid.
In reality, I surfed the web,
made crushed ice,
and tried to convince the dog that he can make pee-pees in the rain.

I should have cleaned.
I should have folded laundry.
I should have made important lists
of things to do later.
Instead
I sat on my big behind
in front of the computer
and read stuff
and pondered stuff.
And passively kept track of the pooch.

It's rainy.
It's pouring.
I think I might look into doing some snoring.

suspicious, I say

To continue my rant of the previous blog ...

This has many red flags, bells and whistles going off in my head.

Call me conspiracy theorist, but when it looks like a rose, smells like a rose, by golly, it's a damn rose.